


Looking for a Home

by MoimoiSweden



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bars and Pubs, Bathroom Sex, Bottom Eren Yeager, Cuddling, Cute, Drinking, Fluff, Levi running away from from his shit, Levi trying to figure out his shit, Losing a friend, Love songs, M/M, Relationship(s), Sex, Singing, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Whiskey & Scotch, breaking up, lingering looks, lingering touches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:25:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoimoiSweden/pseuds/MoimoiSweden
Summary: Levi remembers the time he felt so comfortable with Erwin. He remembers being his friend and having a good time with the man. Levi remembers how grateful he was when he took him off the streets. He remembers it all yet those memories are tainted by the suffocating feeling of the relationship they had now. All he could hear in his head when he looked at the new apartment and Erwin was that he did not belong there. He… couldn't see himself standing next to Erwin. Never had, never will. Now not only is he worried about cleaning up the mess he had created with Erwin, he has to worry about the fact that he was falling in love with a brat he met at a bar too.Cleaning up was supposed to be something he loved, but he had never been good with feelings.





	1. Looking for Air (but still Suffocating)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! ( ´ ω ` )ノﾞ  
> Moimoisweden here with a new fanfic. (o´▽`o)  
> Usually my fanfics aren't really that angsty and are filled with fluffy moments and Looking for a Home isn't that different. There is more angst than I myself am used to writing as Levi is struggling between falling in love with the cute singer from the bar and ending things with Erwin who he never really loved in a romantic way, but ended up with anyway. There aren't many moments between Erwin and Levi, and that only drives to show how distant their relationship has become from what it had been when they had only been friends. I'm just saying this in case someone has a bigger problem with Eruri than I do.  
> ヽ(ー_ー )ノ  
> Then again maybe I'll let you guys decide for yourself. (´｡• ω •｡`)  
> Remember that you can find about how I'm holding up with my writing and updating and if school is extra pressing at moment from my Tumblr at moimoisweden.tumblr.com ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶  
> And please do comment and message me with anything that comes in mind regarding my fanfics or otherwise. Here or on Tumblr. Messages make me happy, honest.  
> The songs for this fanfic are translated from finnish songs I really like and here are the names if you want to look them up for any reason:  
> 1\. Chisu - Mun koti ei oo täällä  
> 2\. Chisu - Sabotage  
> 3\. Raja - Huume, jonka nimi on rakkaus  
> 4\. Chisu - Sama nainen  
> I'll have a link to a Spotify list for this fanfic and a bit more about the songs in the end notes.  
> Anyways, happy reading from me, Moimoisweden __φ(。。)

Levi sat on his and Erwin’s couch and read a newspaper.

He woke up earlier in the night not feeling comfortable after Erwin had crawled in. The tall, blonde man often came back home late, much like his fiance Levi, but by the time the taller was home, Levi was already pretending to be asleep. The raven could often hear the blond sigh as he lay down and could feel his lips on his cheeks. A whispered “good night” could be heard. Levi listened to his breathing after that. His skin crawled as he remembered the kiss and his brows furrowed as he thought of the touch that lingered on his skin. He didn't think he could go on with this for much longer. It hurt him to stay here, it suffocated him. The air tasted stale and everything felt wrong. The lone man wondered if their relationship had ever felt anything but wrong to him. He found it hard to concentrate on anything in the new apartment they had bought. Or Erwin had bought. Even the smallest things he had felt happy doing we're now like a weight on his chest. They were things that tied him to Erwin. A person he wanted away from.

Erwin had done nothing to him, but he felt like he was being strangled.

Levi closed the paper and closed his eyes. He leaned his head onto the back of the couch and sighed. The apartment was big. Even after Levi and Erwin filled it with new things and they put them in their places it would be spacious. To a person who had always had nothing and lived in the smallest, shittiest apartments this apartment that Erwin bought for them was making him feel small and pointless yet Erwin himself made the raven feel claustrophobic. He couldn't really understand his feelings much less explain them. Levi was never a feelings type of a person. Right now he didn't know what he was doing and what he was feeling. All he knew was that this was not where he wanted to be.

That wasn’t something that had come to light after the move either.

He was feeling horrible. That much he knew. There was a spare bedroom in the apartment. Not for a guest no. For a child. Their child. A child they would most probably get after getting married next fall. Levi could understand Erwin's logic since they have been together for five years now. Levi wondered why he was still here when he knew, _he knew_ , that his feelings were for a mere friend.

He couldn't stop the feeling of thread of crawling under his pale skin.

Erwin was a high class man and he was in the age where he was supposed to get children. He was supposed to make a family and settle down. But Levi didn't think he was ready for either one. He wasn't a family man to begin with and he wasn't exactly a father figure with his criminal past even when he has cleaned up his act. That too was mostly Erwin’s doing. Levi wondered if Erwin was fine with this. He could do much better than the raven. He could do much better than a man who didn’t love him romantically and mostly avoided him.

Avoiding him wasn't hard though. He was never there and neither was Levi. They just didn't see each other anymore. Besides there were several places he could hide in this big ass apartment. The spare room was a no go as it had no furniture, but the kitchen had several cabinets that fit Levi inside. The living room that was still bare had a couch that had space under it for Levi. There was space behind the TV as well. The bathroom had many places to hide in. The bedroom was maybe a stupid place to hide in, but it also had great places to hide in. It was already fully furnished. It was the only room that even touched the word home in Levi’s head yet it was still a far cry. The whole house was empty and had no meaning to Levi. Yet he didn't want to leave. Not yet. He wanted to try to be with Erwin. He wanted to see if this was just some stupid irrational fear talking. Maybe he could still fall in love with Erwin. He had played the part of a great boyfriend for five years already. Playing the part of a husband didn’t seem to be a stretch. Today was not the day for finding out though. The raven got up and quietly dressed himself.

He needed to get out for awhile.

He pulled his shoes on at the door and plunged the room into darkness before silently exiting the apartment keys around his neck and phone on silent in his pocket. The city was surprisingly quiet. It was early morning, but usually the city didn't sleep. Then again Levi was grateful that the city wasn't noisy. He walked around aimlessly.

He thought back on everything.

Erwin was a friend at first. Someone he confided in and trusted with his life. He could tell the man anything and he would have taken it in stride. Not that Levi ever _really_ felt comfortable enough to share his past fully, just some snippets here and there. Erwin took him off the streets and gave him a job and an apartment. Now Levi had enough to pay for a one of his own and he would if he could. In fact he wanted to, badly. If he did and moved without a word he and Erwin would probably have nothing to do with each other anymore. He didn’t work under Erwin anymore. He had long ago gotten a new job, far before Erwin confessed to him and he accepted in fear of losing one of his rare friends. That was a bad start to a relationship if he saw any. Now, though, he probably is past that losing a friend part. He was probably past falling in love already.

When Erwin confessed to him he was still in a fragile place. He had a job, but he still lived with Erwin. He didn’t have enough money for his own place, not one that was to his standards anyway. He had yet to really connect with his colleagues. Erwin was pretty much his only friend who was now asking him to become something more. In Levi’s head that translated to a threat to his new life: become his boyfriend or go back to the streets. So he accepted. Now five years later it sounded stupid. Erwin most likely wouldn’t have done that. Things would have become awkward, but Erwin hadn’t helped him to make him into his boyfriend. At least Levi hoped so.

It was too late to mourn over his stupid decisions from five years ago anyway.

The truth was, though, that Levi had never had much passion for the man. He had had sex with him. It felt okay, he guessed, but there had been people he had had better sex with, who he felt more connected with and they were just some flings. Maybe he was just expecting too much. Weren’t marriages and long relationships quite loveless and without passion anyway. Though, Isabel and Farlan had been together for years before they moved away and they seemed happy and so in love it almost made Levi puke. It was a stark contrast to his relationship with Erwin which had been pretty passionless from the start, at least from his side.

He stopped in the middle of the street.

It had been like this from the beginning and it still was like that. Nothing had changed. Levi was still fearing the loss of things in the expense of his comfort and happiness like he always had. Levi was still letting other people live his life and give him commands as if he was a damn mindless soldier.  He closed his eyes again and sighed heavily.

“Fuck this shit.” he spoke as he opened his eyes.

He had his answer right there. He didn’t want to be with Erwin, not like this. He had accepted everything because he always feared the consequences if he didn’t and now he was wrapped too deeply in this to back away in an easy manner. He needed to stop with this play he was acting a side part in and go find the one where he was the damn main character.

He flinched when he heard a loud thud close to him and tipsy laughter filled the street.

He glanced towards two drunk people wobbling away from him and then at the door they exited from. It seemed to be a hole in the wall bar. Dingy and dirty, most likely, but it seemed the perfect place for Levi at this moment. He wanted to just relax a bit. Get his mind off the mess he had gotten himself into.

So he found his way in and was pleasantly surprised that instead of dingy and dirty he got cosy and _sparkling clean_. It was even better than he had needed for drowning his sorrow at three in the morning. He took a seat at the bar, still looking around in approval.

“Welcome to Shiganshina.” the barkeep smiled at him, but it was nervous.

It must have been Levi’s resting bitch face.

“Thanks. Can I get a scotch. No ice.”

The barkeep nodded slowly, but didn’t move.

“What?” Levi frowned.

“Uhm… I need your ID.”

Levi lifted a brow. He didn’t remember the last time he had been asked an ID, but that was mostly because he usually frequented the same bars as Erwin and they all knew him by face. Besides they all had door men who checked the IDs by the door. He took out his wallet and gave the blond his ID. He looked it over eyes widening in surprise.

“You… you look a lot younger…”

“Should I take that as a compliment or not?” Levi asked as he snatched the card back and the barkeep panicked.

“Compliment, of course!”

Levi huffed. The blond must be young, he looked young at least. Maybe just a bit over twenty and probably not even out of school yet. The barkeep finally gave him his scotch and he sipped it experimentally. It wasn’t too shabby, but he had had better. Levi heard some cheers from behind him and turned to the stage where a boy, in his early twenties as well, stood with a mic in his hand. Levi turned to fully see the show. The boy piqued his interest.

“Hello again! I’m back again and it’s nice to see such an audience at fuck-o-clock in the morning. Thanks.” he spoke and his voice was rich yet not too deep and not too high. “I’m going to do one song today, early morning, you see.”

And he smiled. If it wasn’t the most beautiful thing Levi had ever seen. It brightened the boy’s tealish eyes that made Levi remember the time his mother had taken him to the sea. He couldn’t turn his eyes away even when he felt his heart start beating wildly. He had never felt that before, not when looking another person. His fingers tightened around his glass as the boy showed the late night band behind him an okay to start the song. If the lyrics hadn’t hit so close to his situation, he would have wondered how someone’s voice could be so perfect.

“ _Far it will go that rosy road, which we molded together to the ground._

_To the end of the road we made house so sweet, which we painted in just one night,_

_In which I tried to make my home-_ ”

Levi furrowed his brows. Why is that when he tried to forget something, his life seemed to have the skills to whiplash it right back into his face with vengeance.

“ _Let me go, let me go._

_I open the door, I cannot breath._

_Let me go, let me go._

_I don’t belong here after all._

_My home is not here-_ ”

Slowly realizing that this song might not be good for him, he decided to leave, but he was rooted to his place. The boy, granted unknowingly, was playing with his emotions so badly that he was frozen to his spot in agony.

“ _I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I can’t be here any longer._

_Our rosy road, won’t bring us further, its thorns sting too much._

_Now I would hand over the key-_ ”

The barkeep let out a squeak when Levi felt tears run down his cheeks. That did finally make him move as a ‘fuck’ slipped through his lips. He used his sleeve, despite begrudgingly, to try and stop the damn menace. He couldn’t for the life of him figured out what kind of powers this boy has over him if he can just rip open his heart with a song like this. To make him cry when he hadn’t cried in years. He wouldn’t have cried over his miserable situation and his helplessness over it if it weren’t for him walking into this damned bar. The second chorus went and the song slowed a bit and it made Levi lift his eyes to the boy, even when he was still crying.

“ _I might come to regret this someday and I’ll find myself at the end of the road._

_I’ll probably regret this on some beautiful, cloudless day,_

_but honey, I just have to leave-_ ”

The last chorus was when Levi finally forced himself up. He left a note and his half finished scotch on the counter and was out of the door before the barkeep could collect his thought enough to speak to him again. His feet carried him home and he found himself at the door of the apartment, hand shaking. As the song said, Levi might come to regret leaving Erwin later. He might be stupid to do so, but the truth was that he couldn’t do this anymore. He didn’t love him like a lover should. He didn’t love him like Erwin deserved to be loved and the man should be able find someone who does do that. Someone who did want his affection.

The fact that Levi knew this and didn’t tell him made everything worse.

Conscience was a bitch.

 

* * *

 

 

Few days later the raven found himself in the same predicament.

At the door of the bar in the middle of the night, again too uncomfortable to sleep next to the person he was engaged to be married. Yet he wasn’t sure if he should step into the bar again. Not how he ended up in tears last time. Something about the boy just drew him back though. So he opened the door to Shiganshina and found the boy, who probably didn’t even know he had made the man cry, at the mic. He was looking just as wonderful last time. Eyes like the Caribbean sea. His clothes hung to his body very nicely.

“ _-I’m a friend to bruises, I can’t get enough of them._

_Neither sharks nor bulls would stay to play with you, but here I am without a helmet_

_And soon I’ll be licking wounds, deep and salty_

_When nothing feels like anything, pain substitutes friends-_ ”

Levi found himself turning away from the heart aching song, still annoyed how the boy could make him bow down to the feelings he’s buried for years. It wasn’t fair that he would stumble upon a bar and become a slave to a pretty kid with a nice voice who, on the downside, could rip his heart out with a few songs.

“What can I get you?” the barkeep, this time a woman with black hair and an emotionless face asked as the boy was still singing in the background.

Levi put his ID on the table and asked for a scotch again. He was delivered it much quicker than last time and he was glad about it. He wasn’t sure if he could handle the song any longer .without it.

“ _I’ve been taken into rooms, where my feelings have been broken into._

_To see there’s nothing there, even if the brightest light was used._

_In there it echoes when you shout hello-_ ”

Levi feels something again, sadness most likely. The songs really run home when it comes to him. This brat looks happy enough to never understand the lyrics he’s singing, but Levi guesses not everyone grows into assholes like him even with bad backgrounds. The woman stares at him as he looks at the bottom of his scotch, gringing at every word the boy sings. Levi hates it how she can probably see that he’s affected by the damn song. Usually he wears a mask of careful disinterest and passiveness, so no one - not even Erwin who has stayed with him the longest - knows what is going through his head. Yet here he sits, a brat singing right into his black withered soul and bringing up all the emotions he has worked so hard to make disappear.

“Is there something wrong with my brother’s singing?” the woman speaks, sounding unnaturally protective, but who was he to judge.

He had never had anyone close enough for him to be protective over, so he shouldn’t be able to judge that. He was going to answer negatively, because there really wasn’t, when a blond came out the back. The same blond from few days ago who saw him cry. He took one look at the woman and looked horrified.

“Mikasa! Are you harassing the customers again?”

“I just asked a simple question.” she answered, crossing her hands. “Which he hasn’t answered.”

Levi earned a glare, even when he was the one that was interrupted by the blond barkeep.

“You shouldn’t ask them anything, Mikasa.” the blond sighed and came to refill Levi’s glass.

Either he didn’t recognize him or he acted as if he didn’t so he wouldn’t feel awkward. Levi was thankful that the blond had tact. Mikasa, on the other hand, was still glaring at him, obviously not pleased that she hadn’t gotten an answer to her question. Levi decided - at least so she fuck off and leave him to suffer by himself - answer.

“No, there is not one fucking thing wrong with your brother’s singing. In fact I find it beautiful. Now leave me the fuck alone, woman.” he told her.

She frowned harder, eyes going into slits although there was something aching to pride in them. The blond barkeep, whose name Levi still hasn’t catched, pushed her to the back though and then returned alone. He started cleaning glasses with expertise and Levi wondered if it was him who kept the place so clean. He didn’t dare ask, though, just in case it would make him a victim to the socialization he feared more than losing his life. He turned to glance at the boy on the stage when the song ended. People, all but Levi actually, clapped as be brunette bowed deeply. He gave high fives to the band crew as he exited the stage. Levi followed him with his eyes, which was now a lot easier as the boy didn’t seem to be ripping him apart. He had a nice body. Lean muscles moved under his skin as he gave few last waves to the audience. From that Levi could assumed that the boy did some kind of exercise. His style wasn’t half bad, although the boy didn’t seem to know how to brush his hair. Yet his eyes were what really made Levi drawn to him. They were like nothing he had ever seen on anyone.

He felt helplessly drawn to the boy, more every time he saw him and the brat didn’t even know he existed.

Levi downed the scotch as his hatred for himself started to grow again. It been growing for the past few days as he had chickened out from telling Erwin that he didn’t want to marry him nor actually be with him at all. That he wanted to be free. The ring had already disappeared from his ring finger on his right hand. It felt like it burned him when he wore it, so now he carried it on his pocket. It still burned, but not so much as before. Not only was he unable to fucking spit out his real feelings to Erwin, he was lusting after a boy at least ten years his junior. He thought he knew how to clean his messes, but lately all he seems to do is make them worse.

The blond barkeep was about to refill his glass again as he tapped the table, but an unforgettable voice made him stop.

“Armin!” the singer almost crashed into the counter.

Levi flinched, heart still raw, and he wanted nothing more than to leave right at that second. The blond barkeep - Armin - poured him another glass and he’d be damned if he wasted another glass of scotch.

“Hey, Eren.” the blond glanced at Levi worried.

That was how the raven knew he remembered him from few days ago. He was debating whether or not the glass of scotch was worth handling through the annoyingly worried stare of the barkeep. He was leaning on the side that told him to get the fuck out. He didn’t though. Not when _Eren_ decided to speak again.

“Did you like the song?” he asked the barkeep, they must be friends. “My shit just keep inspiring me lately.”

“You really are amazing, Eren, just putting your feelings out there.”

That was something Levi can agree on, especially when he was one of the most closed of people anyone could ever meet. Eren smiled brightly, but there was a blush.

“It’s a bit embarrassing, but it’s fine. I just want to get it out you know. I feel much better every time.” Eren took a seat, apparently not noticing that he sat next to a complete stranger when there was a whole row of empty seats.

Armin glanced nervously at Levi again and the man sighed irritated. This time Eren did notice and jumped a bit as if he really hadn’t seen him there. The raven turned to look back at the brat. His eyes looked even more amazing up close. Levi had never been in love so he can’t be sure, but at that moment when he looked at the brat as passively as he could, he thought this was it. This was Levi Ackerman’s downfall. The moment he found out that, yes, his fucked up life could become even more fucked up.

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t notice you there.” Eren spoke nervously as if he hadn’t just sung his feelings in front of at least dozen people.

“Obviously.” Levi muttered and turned back to his scotch.

“Wow. You sure are grumpy.”

Levi was mad at himself for finding his voice soothing.

“In what life do people come to the bar at-” Levi glanced at his wristwatch. “Four in the morning on a weekday and be happy.”

“Well, I’m here and I’m happy.” Eren laughed and it was a sound that made Levi’s heart skip a beat.

He didn’t fucking need that right now.

“You’re not here to drink your problems away, now are you.” Levi downed the scotch Armin had given him and put down a note. “Thanks, Armin.”

He got up and left. He didn’t know if he felt bad for Eren or not when he heard Armin to start berating him just when he stepped out of the door into the night. He decided he was not feeling bad for the brat, because he was annoyingly cute.

When he fell onto his couch he realized he was an idiot for blaming the kid for being cute.

 

* * *

 

 

Erwin had left on a business trip that weekend for two weeks.

Levi was alone and it felt liberating. He sat on the couch not fearing that Erwin would come and try to cuddle with him. He drank tea without Erwin scrunching his nose at the smell because he didn’t like it. He watched all the channels Erwin hated leaving on, the channels Erwin told Levi not to watch. He found the time to scroll through apartments he could afford to get now that he didn’t need to work and Erwin wasn’t looking over his shoulder. Even when he knew it was something he would not probably be able to do in a month or two at least. Erwin didn’t really have a lot of time to sit down and listen Levi breaking up with him, because of a merger he was working on. Even Levi wasn’t asshole enough to break off a five year relationship in the middle of a fucking merger. Even if he was feeling fucking awful, if Erwin felt worse after that then it could affect his work. That is something Levi didn’t want. He didn’t need to wreck Erwin’s life more than he already did.

He did find a nice apartment close to this place though. A place he could maybe escape and slowly start moving his things to. Erwin most likely wouldn’t notice if he started moving some of his suits and clothes there or the small boxes he held important things to him, the ones he had stuffed behind all the other crap Erwin had. He could furnish it properly and since now when he was in good position in the company he worked on, he afforded to buy the place without Erwin even finding it out. The thought made him excited even if it was dampened with all the sneaking around he did.

So that weekend he called an agent and went to see the apartment he was looking at online. It was amazing. It wasn’t small, but it wasn’t gigantic either, not like the apartment Erwin had bought for them. It did have a spare bedroom, but it was great for Hange when she decided to return from her trip around the world. It had been several months since she had left and she kept sending pictures to him with random captions, but never anything else. She didn’t even text him, but he never really tried to text her either. She was a friend to Erwin too, but… But Levi hoped that she wouldn’t hate him. That they could be friends still. He did have other friends too, but he didn’t think they would want to visit him much. He thought of Isabel and Farlan, but he hadn’t spoken to them in years. Who knows where they were and what they were doing. Despite the problematic spare bedroom, he liked the apartment. It had room for him to put the things and pictures up he never wanted to show to Erwin. Not because he didn’t deserve it, but because he felt the time was never right.

The woman seemed surprised to hear Levi say that he’d take the apartment. It was in a place too that when Levi broke things off with Erwin, he would probably not run into him much since Erwin’s workplace was in the other direction and Levi’s was a little ways from the apartment. It was a great place to be honest. Perfect.

That week went in a blur of buying furniture and deciding on things that he wanted to bring to the apartment. As he decorated the place he found out why he never really felt at home at Erwin’s place - yes, he had started to call it Erwin’s place - and it was a weird thing. He had always though he was close to Erwin and that he knew him, but when he thought about it closely, he really didn’t. He trusted him, he did, but never enough to show him everything. Erwin was never open with him, then again could he ask Erwin to be when he himself kept everything locked up inside him. He sat on his new couch taking out the old pictures, not one of them framed. He decide he should frame them. And when friday came around he had them all on the wall. Some of him and his mother. Some of him, Isabel and Farlan before they moved and he, after his uncle abandoned him, was thrown to the streets. He had some with Hange too, which he had put in the box for safe keeping so no one would know that he actually _treasured_ them. He put Hange on the shelf last. He had some baby pictures of himself, but he left them into the box.

He did a shopping trip to buy some food that would spoil too easily so when he had to return to Erwin’s apartment, he wouldn’t waste food. The final piece to the apartment was when he a tea kettle and his expensive black tea to the kitchen. He felt relieved and happy. He felt like he could finally breathe.

So that night with a pleasant feel he went to celebrate to the Shiganshina bar. It was a bit more full than usual, but it was expected as it was friday. Levi found a seat at the end of the bar in a corner where he could see the stage perfectly, but not be seen much. A glass of scotch was set in front of him and he moved his eyes from the mass of people to the barkeep. Armin stood there smiling a bit.

“Almost thought Eren annoyed you away.” he mused.

Levi scoffed.

“If I let a brat like him got me to stop coming to a nice bar then I’ve would have a problem with every bar in town.” Levi took the glass and sipped it.

Armin laughed nervousness washing away as he found Levi to be gruff, but not - at the moment at least - exactly frightening. He leaned to the table rag in hand and pony tail swishing.

“You seem such a contrast to him, to be honest.”

Levi lifted his eyebrow.

“And?”

“Well, just wouldn’t think you two would have hit it off so well.”

“I want to know what drugs you were on that night, since you counted that as hitting it off.”

Armin laughed again.

“No, seriously!” he said through his laugh. “Banters like those usually don’t end up that nicely with Eren.”

“Then how do they end up?” Levi asked a bit intrigued.

He wondered if the brat had some interested in him as well.

“With a fist in face, either to the one he’s talking to or to Eren.”

Levi smirked. So Eren is impulsive and hot headed. Very unlike himself, at least when it comes to meeting random people. He nodded and noticed the stage lights turning on.

“Is he performing again?”

“Want some ear plugs? You don’t seem to enjoy the songs that much.”

“I don’t really mind his singing. The songs are just…” Levi stopped speaking as Eren stepped out to the stage.

He looked a bit nervous. Must be the large amount of people. He shouldn’t, though. Because the songs - although they hit too close to home for Levi to enjoy - were amazing. His voice was great. If Levi was the kind of person to compliment people, he could probably make the brat blush with all the sweet words running through his head. Words that had never, ever run through his head for Erwin. Levi listened Eren speaking a bit, throwing a few light jokes to get the audience relax and to the right mood to listen to the songs. Then he hit thumbs up to his band and the started. That was when Levi turned back to his scotch again. Looking at Eren in his element wasn’t good.

“ _-From the top, world looks so wonderful, so decadent too,_

_and a burned bridge fumes behind me._

_At last the morning comes and the endless night ends,_

_and a burned bridge fumes behind-_ ”

It was a bit more hopeful this time. Of letting go a relationship. It didn’t affect him that badly, he was slowly starting to find his way through his emotions. He might still feel guilty about not telling Erwin this, about wasting the man’s time on a useless relationship that didn’t give him anything but heartbreak. He fell into his thoughts as the song continued to ring in his ears even when it came to an end. He followed Armin over the rim of the glass.

“You came here earlier today. Not here to drown your sorrows?”

Levi huffed at Armin’s jab.

“I’m here to celebrate that I’m getting closer to turning a new page in life.”

“Wow. Congratulations on that.”

“Thanks, kid.”

Another song started and it surprised Levi. Eren usually - or the times Levi had been there - only played one song. Now, though, his voice rang through the room second time that night and Levi didn’t think he hated it. If he could, he probably would listen to Eren for the whole the whole night. It was darker this time. Levi wondered where Eren got his inspiration for this one.

“ _A lot has been promised, more has been broken._

_I’ll stay awake next to you and see you as beautiful._

_You are the one I’ll always find again._

_I’m here again and ready,_

_for a new round-_ ”

Levi felt his body tense and finger stop running on the edge of the glass when memories of his mother and abusive father flooded to his mind. The time and time again he begged his mother to leave him, how she forgave every single time him.

“ _-But in me there’s nothing, in me there’s nothing new,_

 _I’m still the same, same mind, same heart, same man-_ ”

How many times had his mother forgave him until he took her life. He turned his eyes to the boy in the stage. Who was he singing this for? When did he make the song that rang his feelings to the full room of forty or so people. What was the backstory?

“ _-I remember still, the swear words and the blaming._

_I even forgive you the abuse._

_But I don’t promise you, I don’t promise you anything else,_

_I’m still the same, same mind, same heart, same man-_ ”

Eren’s eyes were closed so Levi couldn’t even try to read the emotions swirling in them. He was sure there was pain. He didn’t need to see his eyes, because it was painted upon his beautiful face. It rang in his voice. It was wavering a bit as he sang the last words into the song.

“ _-I’ve said everything, night turns into morning,_

 _if you still want me, I will return._ ”

When he opened his eyes again, they were moist with unshed tears, but still he smiled. Grinning through the applause and bowing he headed towards the back giving high fives to the band on the way.

“Is he okay?” Levi found himself asking despite fearing the answer.

Armin lifted his head from the glass he was shining.

“He will be. He just wanted to get it off his chest, you know. He made that song weeks ago, but wasn’t ready to sing it yet.”

Levi had more questions than he had answers. He wonders if he ever has all the answer to an enigma like Eren. He seemed to be so open, but there seemed to be much to find still.

“I see.” Levi mumbled as he watched some people start to leave.

It seemed some seemed to come just to see him sing. Well it wasn’t surprising as Eren was great enough to make a career out of it. Levi sipped his drink again. He felt Armin’s eyes on him, but he didn’t turn to look at him. He kept his face blank as usual, but he was finding a heart time to quiet his mind and calming his heart as he thought about Eren.

For months, even years, he’s felt miserable thinking his situation. That’s all he’s been wallowing on. This is the first time he has this much interest on someone else. Suddenly another shadow, one with onyx hair and a dark glare to match. Levi turned his icy eyes to her and just stared. She didn’t seem to care that she was - once again - disturbing his drinking.

“Armin told me you had a wedding ring. Where is it?” she asked and Levi frowned.

In fact it wasn’t a frown, it was a full blown death glare wishing her to go to hell. Armin was looking horrified. Mikasa took step back as Levi got up.

“It’s none of your fucking business what happened to my _engagement_ ring.” he hissed and she looked frightened, though she tried hiding it.

Anyone else wouldn’t have noticed the signs of fear, but Levi did and it gave him satisfaction.

“M-Mikasa! Get back to the back! I told you not to bother our customers!”

She ran tail between her legs and he hoped she felt the daggers he was sending her on her back. Fucking bitch. If she wasn’t Eren’s sister he might have been a bit meaner too. But she was and he wasn’t exactly in the mood to be starting fights with barkeeps when he was suppose to be celebrating his new apartment. Armin was still panicking as Levi sat down sipping his scotch calmly. Now he was pissed again. That girl really knew how to fuck with him. He didn’t know what her problem was, but he wished she would stop.

“Hey!” Eren’s cheerful voice came behind Levi and any lesser man would have jumped, but Levi didn’t move a muscle. “What did Mikasa do now, Armin? You have that look on your face again.”

That brought Armin back to Earth and he glanced at Levi.

“N-nothing.” he said shakily and run off to get some drinks to some people.

Eren blinked and sat next to Levi.

“You came back!” he smiled.

“I came back.” Levi looked at Eren who was leaning on his arm, all smiles and sparkling eyes, and looking at Levi.

“Drinking your sorrows doesn’t work you know.”

“I know. Otherwise I’d be an alcoholic by now. Maybe I'd have died of an alcohol poisoning.” Levi mumbled.

Eren puffed his cheeks at his unenthused answer.

“You look constipated.” Levi remarked and the boy looked so baffled at it.

Levi watched as his mouth opened like a fish and burrows furrowed in confusion. His teal eyes stared at Levi like an alien and he couldn’t stop the chuckle escaping his lips at his stupid face. That made a different face appear on Eren’s face, one with a sweet blush and a unfurrowed brows, mouth closing and teeth peaking between lips as a smile stretched over his lips. His eyes were full of wonders.

“Wow. You have a really nice laugh.” he whispered breathless.

Levi smirked at that.

“Are you saying I’m not otherwise nice?” he asked teasingly.

“No!” Eren fumbled, now blushing even more. “I just mean that, you know, everything in you is nice, but your laugh is extra nice.”

He was playing with his hands now, Levi still smirking amused.

“I know I’m not nice, but thanks for the compliments, brat.”

That lifted his head in a flash, brows furrowing again.

“I am not a brat!”

“You’re just proving my fucking point by fighting back.” Levi huffed.

Eren crossed his arms and pouted.

“How old are you anyways? I mean you look just as young as me!”

“I’ll be 31 this year, brat. I’m pretty fucking sure I’m nowhere your age.”

Eren’s face fell slack again.

“That’s like 9 years older than me! You have some great genes, huh!” he looked surprised, but not perturbed.

“So 22. Please tell me you didn’t sing Taylor Swift on your birthday.” he mocked lightly.

Eren lifted a middle finger at him which amused him greatly.

“I did not, thank you very much.” Eren returned his earlier position of leaning on his arms and staring at Levi. “Armin and Mikasa made me a cake and we ate that, just the three of us. Then we watched some movies and went to work.”

“Hmm. Sound pretty pleasant.”

“Your last birthday must have been boring.”

“Well… If you must know I went fucking bar hopping with my friend last year. It was a fucking crap idea, because I woke up in some rich asshole’s mansion cross town with the hangover of the fucking century and no fucking clue how the hell I got there. According to shitty glasses’ storytelling, I had drunkenly wandered in their crap group and thrown a fucking strip show to get free shit and then they took us with them as they moved back to the asshole’s house.”

Eren was gaping, a blush creeping on his cheeks.

“Must have been a wild night.”

Levi shrugged, but he was secretly satisfied he got that blush back to the brat’s cheeks. It was cute and he liked looking at it. Eren was hitting the table with the fingers from his free hand. Levi set his hand on them to stop him. Eren blushed harder and Levi removed his hand as he drank rest of his scotch. Then he got up and ruffled the kid’s head affectionately. His hair was soft as fuck and Levi could picture himself burrowing his face into it on some lazy morning. He pushed those thoughts away as soon as they came.

“I gotta go. See you around, brat.”

“Y-yeah.” he set his hand where Levi’s fingers had slipped through.

He was still blushing when Levi left.

Levi knew that he was fighting a losing battle.

The brat was too cute.

“ _\- I’ve said everything, night turns into morning,_

_if you still want me, I will return. -"_


	2. Looking for Patience (but losing Virtue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi finds some old companions and breaks promises he made to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Moimoisweden here with a new chapter! ( ´ ω ` )ノﾞ  
> I don't really know what to say about this chapter. <(￣︶￣)> To me this ended up some how feeling a bit like a filler though it's really not. We get a little peek into Levi's work and friends though.  
> Oh (°ロ°) ! and here are the songs for the chapter and the Spotify list for this fic:  
> Reino Nordin - Antaudun  
> Emilianne ft Tuomas Kauhanen - Lääke mun nälkään  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/tinapeuhkuri/playlist/0oTaq0ZAPIAn09sPqLwcz2?si=o0AujdfIRTKuCFmQ2WlEeg  
> That's all for now, but do leave me comments and questions here or at my Tumblr at moimoisweden.tumblr.com (´｡• ω •｡`)  
> Anyways, Happy reading, from me, Moimoisweden __φ(。。)

Erwin came back.

It was just as awkward as always, but even then Levi could feel something had changed in Erwin. Not in the way that he had found out Levi’s been running off at night to lust after a brat, but in a different way. He couldn’t quite pinpoint the reason though. Few mornings when Levi and Erwin left at the same time, he noticed him staring at the engagement ring thoughtfully. He had the same look that Levi had when the ring burned his finger viciously. Levi wondered if Erwin had done something he shouldn’t have on the trip. Maybe he had slept with someone. They hadn’t had sex in months, Levi avoiding it like plague. If Erwin had slept with someone else, Levi couldn’t have blamed him. He was even feeling relieved at the prospect that Erwin didn’t love him enough to keep it in him pants.

He sipped the black tea Erwin loathed at the breakfast table staring at the man he considered a friend.

He had been visiting the bar on late nights after work and every time he found Eren there. That happy smile and bright eyes made him feel guilty, but he felt… great talking to Eren. He had told the boy things he hadn’t even told Erwin. He was more open with Eren and he felt that he wanted to know him even better with every words that they spoke to each other. He hadn’t come back to the apartment until the day Erwin was supposed to return. Every morning he woke up and instead of Erwin, he thought of Eren. His eyes, his smile, his amazing cheerfulness despite the fact that he had some shit going on, his voice. The smoothness of it, the way it soothed him, the way it sounded when he was breathless. How it would sound when Levi was making him scream in ecstasy. Just then he pushed the thought out. He was still far away from being at the point of being able to do anything with Eren.

He was still Erwin’s fiance, no matter how much he didn’t want to be.

Erwin sifted. His fingers went over the ring. He looked like he wanted to rip it off. Levi would have that face as well if he wasn’t too elated about talking to Eren just yesterday night. The sweet words exchanged between them and the joyful laughs shared. He wants to go back to Eren. Erwin sifted again. He looked like he wanted to leave. Leave this place, Levi and all the responsibilities a CEO like him had. Levi wished he would. He deserved to run away. He deserved to go out and find someone that gave him what he needed. Maybe he already did and just wasn’t ready to ‘break’ Levi’s heart. How stupid. They were both miserable in this relationship yet neither had the balls to quit. Levi set his cup down and got up. Today was not the day he would do it. He had decided to wait until the merger was done.

Only couple of weeks to go.

He walked to the door, Erwin not even noticing, so far in his thoughts. He took an umbrella as it was raining. As soon as he was outside he pulled off the ring and stuffed it into his pocket. He took quick strides towards work. He wondered if Eren worked at day time or if he was still in school. He hadn’t told him about that. In fact if you didn’t count Mikasa and Armin, Eren avoided anything too personal. They did talk a lot though. About future and wishes. About stupid stories of things they did with friends. It almost made him smile.

“Hey, old man!” a familiar voice shouted and Levi turned his head to see Eren on the other side of the road.

“Brat. What the hell are you shouting for?”

The boy ran across the road - not without checking if any cars came, thank god - and joined Levi’s side. Levi lifted an eyebrow at the wide smile the brat gave him. He himself was quite happy about the surprise, though. This was the first time Levi met him outside the bar and his eyes are even more brighter if possible. Eren did a once over of him in the fitted suit he was wearing and a dust of pink appeared on his cheeks.

“I…” he gulped avoiding eye contact. “I just though to say hi, is all.”

Levi huffed amused.

“Which way are you heading?” Levi asked and the brat nodded his head towards the direction where Levi was heading as well. “Hmm. I need to get to work, but you can join me on the walk if you want.”

With those words he started walking again and with a few seconds of delay Eren joined him. He fell in Eren’s slower step as they silently went through the bustling street. It was comfortable and nice. With each step next to him, Eren relaxed a bit. Soon he began speaking again.

“So where do you work?” Eren asked nonchalantly, but with one look to him Levi could see he was excited about the prospect of knowing more about Levi.

“I work in Legion.”

Eren’s eyes widened.

“Isn’t that some real high class company?”

“Largest in Trost.” Levi shrugged his shoulders.

Even Erwin’s company couldn’t rival Legion. He did try though.

“No wonder you have that expensive looking suit.” Eren mumbled.

Levi snorted then.

“I’m just a paper drone, no need to get all fidgety.”

He was not in fact just some paper drone, he was an executive on the top brass with all the company owners and he even had the chance to sit on the big table with all the rich assholes. He hadn’t really cared for the job that much, but now as he had bought his own apartment and thrown around a lot of money for the past weeks, he had grown a new appreciation for the company. In fact it had given him some vigor in work, although he had always done a perfect job. He was the one of the hardest working executives and to tell the truth he worked his people just as hard. That was how he had gotten the nickname Demon of the 19th Floor. His boss was happy though. Because if a young executive like him like started climbing the ladders, it meant that the other executives started working harder as well.

“That suit doesn’t say ‘paper drone’ to me.” Eren noted, but smiled then. “But well, at least I don’t need to worry about you using all your money on scotch. I pretty sure all the scotch Armin has isn’t enough to drain your funds.”

Levi smirked.

“Is that an invitation to come around the bar more often?” he teased and Eren turned red.

“I… If I s-said yes?”

Levi lifted his eyebrows and wondered. What would he do? Would he come around more often? Where was he even taking this relationship? He knew what he wanted, but right now it was impossible. He needed to wait. Then again, flirting with Eren a bit more wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

“Then I guess I could try to come around a bit.” Levi spoke gently.

Eren eyed him and a small but perfect smile appeared on his lips.

“I hoped you would.”

They stopped in front of Legion. Eren looked at the building a bit sadly. Levi couldn’t stop himself from grabbing his hand. Eren’s eyes snapped to him.

“I’ll come around tonight.”

The boy nodded, the sparkle back in his eyes. Levi flashed him a rare smile and let go his hands. He stepped back in. He glanced back to see Eren walk away a spring on his step. Lev hasn’t made anyone this happy in years. Well if you don’t count Hange, but she gets happy if he just answers one her stupid inquiries. She didn’t need a lot. He was glad that Eren was happy though. The thought of the brat happy made him elated as well.

Something so small affected him so much.

The kid would be the death of him, eventually at least. His heart should not be beating this fast. He should not be this smitten with someone he’s only know for a month. He checked the time on his phone only to notice a text on his phone.

 **Hange:** I’m coming back!

Attached to the text was a picture of Sina castle and the walls looming from behind it. Levi felt thread set into his body. He didn’t need Hange into the middle of his shit fest. She’d read immediately that things were not alright and blabber too much.

 **Levi:** How long

The answer came in a second.

 **Hange:** Hmmm… Maybe a month.

Levi sighed in relief. A month was enough. Hopefully Erwin hurried the fuck up with the merger and he could finally get out of this relationship. Levi found his way to his office and sat sat down with a huff. His people were working diligently and he felt that he could take a breather to catch his breath before diving into work. He wished his problems could really be washed away with scotch. He wished he could just go back in time and kick his stupid ass for getting into this idiotic relationship. He drew his hands over his face. He was exhausted. Even for someone who's an insomniac and is used to not sleeping, this was getting ridiculous. Erwin had been home for five days and he was already dead on his feet. Or at least it felt that ways. He wondered how long it would take for him to start making mistakes in his work. Even he had his limits. The usual dark circles hadn’t been as bad since he spent time alone in his apartment that was just for him, but now they were back with vengeance as were all things in his life these days.

A knock on his door alerted him to the sad truth that he had to get to work, no matter how tired and need of a vacation he was. He lifted his head to see Petra by the door, she seemed worried as she stepped in. She was someone who had spunk enough to call out Levi’s shit and even though she sounded respectful to him at work, outside - when they happened to find the time to go for drinks - Petra was a lot more like Levi than one would think at first glance. She closed the door behind her. The files in her hands were set on the desk gently and she seated herself down. Levi glanced at her baby bump and again felt the dawning realisation that if he didn’t do something about the situation soon he would be building a family with a man he didn’t love. A family he didn’t even want, not yet at least. All he knew was that he didn’t want it with Erwin. Petra set her hand on her stomach and Levi snapped his eyes to her. She seemed to see right through him and he leaned into his hands.

“You still haven’t broken things off with Erwin yet?” Petra asked.

She was the only one in the whole world who knew about his problem and that too was only because he blabbed it to her when he was drunk a few months ago.

“No. I have found the moment for it. He’s in the middle of the merger and…” Levi sighed heavily. “I just don’t want to mess up things for him anymore than I already have.”

“Levi, you have to tell him. You can’t go on like this.” Petra leaned back on her chair.

Levi looked into her warm, gentle brown eyes. She will make a great mother. He found himself a bit jealous of her motherly ways and social skills. If it weren’t for Eren being such a stubborn idiot, he would have never talked to him more. He would have been smart enough to not get himself into more trouble, no matter how much the brat drew him in. That and he would have feared that he would have messed up everything with the first words that no doubt would have been insults. He found himself wanting to talk about the kid and since Hange was out of the question - she was always out of the question when it came to his love life - Petra was the best person to the job. So he averted his eyes to the files she had brought in and spoke an unassuming sentence.

“I met a guy.” he said as he took the files and started going through them.

Petra went frigid and frowned.

“Where?”

“At a bar.” Levi glanced up. “In the middle of the night.”

She gave a disapproving look.

“Levi, are you hooking up with other guys before even ending things with Erwin.”

“I haven’t hooked up with him yet.” Levi huffed. “I just said I _met_ a guy. Not that we did anything.”

“Then what? You just chatted? Levi, I’ve seen you in bars: you don’t do chatting.”

“I usually don’t.” he said quietly, but Petra could easily hear it. “He just felt like he was worth chatting with.”

Something like realisation crossed Petra’s face.

“Levi Ackerman, you fell in love him, didn’t you.” she didn’t say it as a question, she already knew the answer.

Levi tapped his fingers on the table, refusing to answer. Petra, who had moved to the edge of the seat pushed back to the chair. She looked like she had mixed feelings. She stared at the ceiling. She was grumbling something under her breath. Levi got to the last page of the first file when she spoke again.

“Then he’s all the more reason to stop with this Erwin bullcrap.” she said. “You’ll come out as a cheater the longer this goes, no matter how loveless your relationship with Erwin is.”

That made Levi stop. He had thought of it before. The way it will look to Eren if he finds out that Levi is still engaged to Erwin while flirting with him. Petra is right, he would look like a cheater no matter how much he’d tell Eren that he didn’t love Erwin and was going to break it off after the merger was done. It wasn’t a good idea. Maybe he should just stop going for a while, so he could end things properly with Erwin, then go after Eren. He just wasn’t sure if he would be able to do that.

Especially when Eren’s hand in his felt so right that morning.

Petra sighed as Levi left her without an answer again. She got up and walked to the door.

“Don’t drive him away just because you were too much in a hurry.” she said as she stepped out to get back to work.

He usually was a patient man.

Eren just had a way to make him forget that.

 

* * *

 

 

Erwin left to another business trip again few days later.

Levi found himself at his apartment alone staring at the pictures of him, Isabel and Farlan. He wondered if he should try to find them. Get a more steady ground under him. He was sure he’d survive after breaking up with Erwin. He had survived alone before. Besides he had Petra and Eren. Even Hange if she wasn’t going to hate him. He missed them though, always had. Levi had such fond memories of their time together and it would be nice to have that again. He sighed and fell onto his couch. Where could he even start looking for them?

He pulled out his laptop and started going through social networks in hopes of finding the people he wanted to see so badly. There was a surprising amount of Isabel Magnolias on facebook, and Farlan Churches. He didn’t know they were popular names much less common last names. But then again a hell of a lot of people lived in the world. A fiery red hair made him stop scrolling and two emerald green eyes that he knew from his childhood stared back at him. Isabel was right there in the picture, that Levi was certain of. He clicked her profile and in front of him was a picture of a happy family. Farlan stood next to her. She had a child in her hand. They looked happy. It was a Christmas picture. Levi wasn’t on facebook so he couldn’t exactly contact her this way, but now he knew they were alive at least. He looked at the caption.

_Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to our friend in Trost! Hope you’re staying warm and cosy._

Levi didn’t understand why they would wish him things when they didn’t even know if he would see this. He kept scrolling down and it was a thing they did every year. Every year since they left and couldn’t get into contact with him anymore. They had remembered him. Levi didn’t understand how they could keep up with this for so long. Yet he was thankful because now he had courage to try and find a way to contact them. He looked through her information and the pictures and they seemed to be mostly from the same town. Levi found a picture of them moving and he found out they had moved again, now closer to Trost. They lived in Ehrmich district of Sina and and it was so close to Trost. Even better was that Levi could send Hange to find them. If anyone was able to do it it was Hange. He just needed to give her a place to start.

He pulled out his phone and the texts between him and Hange.

 **Levi:** Do you think you could do me a favour

 **Hange:** A favour?! You are asking ME a favour?!

 **Levi:** Yes, I’m asking you for a favour. Now do you want to hear it or not?

 **Hange:** YES tell me!

 **Levi:**  I need you to find Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church from Ehrmich district. If you ask any questions, I’m not going talk to you in two months

Hange knew Levi was serious when it came to his threats. He didn’t think it would help for long, but he wished it helped at least until she found Isabel and Farlan. Hange didn’t answer so either she already went to work, or she just hadn’t read it yet. Levi was guessing on the first option. The quicker she found them the quicker she got answers to her questions after all. He closed his eyes after setting his computer down on the floor. He woke up to a shrill sound of his phone. It was ringing.

“Who the fuck?” Levi answered annoyed noticing it was seven in the morning.

He missed a night with Eren it seemed even though he promised to go.

“It’s me!” Hange screamed and Levi pulled the phone farther away from his ear.

“No need to fucking destroy my hearing, asshole.”

“Found what you were looking for, they’re a really nice couple.”

Levi sprung up.

“What are you doing?”

“Stalking them in the park. They’re out with their kid.” Hange spoke. “What do you want me to do?”

“I didn’t think that far.” Levi mumbled.

“Oh! They’re leaving, I’m going to follow them!”

“Hange, you’re going to come out as a creep!” Levi hissed.

“No worries! I’ll call you later!”

Levi fell onto the sofa in shock. Hange actually fucking found them. So quickly as well. He didn’t know what to do. His phone rang again and he answered lightning fast. Hange was on the other line again. Levi heard a knock and a familiar voice of a cheerful Isabel came through as a door was opened.

“Yes?”

“Hello there!” Hange was definitely grinning like a maniac. “I’ve been sent to find you my a friend of mine because he’s too workaholic to do it himself.”

“Isabel, who is it?” Farlan’s voice came through the speaker as well.

“I don’t know… Who are you?”

“Pardon me! I’m Hange, Levi’s friend!”

Something broke and Levi felt himself take a breath in surprise.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry-” Isabel spoke hurriedly.

“No, no. It’s fine!” Hange seemed surprised as well and the phone was set down as she probably helped Isabel to clean up whatever the clumsy girl had broken.

There was a pause in the apologies as Farlan spoke again.

“I-Is he on the phone?”

Hange laughed.

“He is actually! Do you want to speak with him?”

“Can we?” Isabel sounded like she perked up.

All Levi could think was that he was not ready to share things about the mess of a life he was living and he definitely wasn’t ready to speak neither of them, but Hange gave him no chance to refuse.

“Of course!” Hange said and gave the phone to the capable hands of Farlan.

“Levi?”

For a moment Levi couldn’t speak, but then he finally found himself opening his dry mouth.

“Yeah, it’s me.” he whispered. “How are you guys?”

A relieved laugh from Farlan and Isabel yelling happily over his laugh. It would have been a touching reunion if they were actually in the same town. Levi wasn’t sure if he wanted them to come yet. Not when he hadn’t figured out with he was going to do with the Erwin situation.

“We’re great! How about you?”

Levi wondered why he hadn’t thought of finding them earlier.

“I’m fine-”

“He’s great! He’s engaged to a hunky rich guy and he has an amazing future ahead of him!” Hange’s voice came through the speaker.

Levi felt his stomach churn. Of all the things to start a reunion with, talking about his mess with Erwin was not what he wanted to start with. Hange had a way to make his life harder than it had to be though.

“Farlan, can I speak to you privately.” Levi asked and he heard him move a bit.

“Sure. What’s up?” he asked as he shut a door.

He cooed to someone and Levi guessed he was in the child’s room.

“I’m not marrying anyone.” Levi said heavily and the cooing stopped.

“You’re not engaged?”

“I’m not going to be in few weeks.”

There was a deep silence.

“You’re going to break up with the rich hunk?” Farlan sounded something between serious and joking.

“I don’t love him. I have never loved him. I just can’t go through the elaborate life plan with a man I don’t feel even slightly connected to.”

Farlan hummed.

“Hange obviously doesn’t know.”

“She’s his friend and a blabber mouth. I didn’t think it would be a great idea to share my plans with her just yet.” Levi pulled his knees to his chest. “I’m just waiting for him to be done with his merger and then I’m going to end it.”

“If you are sure, I’m not in any position to judge.”

Levi breathed out in relief.

“So you’re a workaholic? No chances you’ll come visit us?”

“I’ll come when I’ve cleaned my messes.”

“Otherwise, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I have a job I’m happy with and all is good.” Levi checked the clock. “I need to go.”

“Work?” Farlan guessed and Levi just hummed. “Then I’ll tell Izzy what you told me after Hange has left. You do want me to tell her, right?”

“Yes, obviously, the dumbass will get the heart attack of a lifetime if she finds out later that I’ve broken up with Erwin and my future plans are in pieces.” Levi sighed. “She gets too attached to the people in my life.”

Farlan laughed.

“I’ll let Izzy know you miss her.”

“You needed me to say that she’s a dumbass to figure that out, idiot?” Levi huffed.

“Love you too, Levi. Bye!”

Farlan cut the call and Levi looked at his phone fondly.

He was finally taking a grip of his life and building it together.

And it felt damn good.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _-And here I am, as long as_

_I’ll fall for the last time,_

_If you want a soldier, I will gear up_

_If you want peace, I will surrender-_ ”

A scotch in hand and a sweet voice singing love songs in the background, Levi was once again sitting in front of Armin at Shiganshina.

These days he was only acting as if he came to drink, but truthfully he was here for Eren. Listening to the beautiful songs - no matter how they pained him - and for the banter that came after the show when the brat crashed to the bar counter. He was waiting for the shy blushes and happy grins, the giddy chitchatter and nervous finger tapping. The way Armin tried sneakily catch some of their hushed words as they threw easy flirt at each other. Both had to be secretive about what they spoke off.

Levi had come straight from work today. He was supposed to avoid Erwin a few more nights, that’s why he was there until so late. It’s been a week since Erwin left and he was supposed to return today. Only earlier today, the blond had texted him - not even called as he usually did - that he would need another week. For what, Levi didn’t know and he hardly cared. He was relieved to be honest. Him being there another week meant that Levi had another week to plan how he would word the break up. How he’d inform Erwin that the man had wasted five years in a fruitless relationship.

He loosened his tie as Armin chatted him up while Eren changed songs. Apparently some douchebags had destroyed an entire booth earlier that night. Levi guessed they were having a bachelor party with how Armin became very nervous when he asked the occasion. Eren’s voice soothed his mind though. Besides he could see Armin wasn’t really trying to be mean, he was just lost in his storytelling.

“ _-Press your hand on my back,_

_And although I'm afraid,_

_You're the only medicine for my hunger-_ ”

His fingers tapped the counter as he drank the last drops of his sixth glass of scotch. He was feeling pleasantly buzzed. Had he gotten Erwin’s message earlier than at two in the morning, he would have been smart enough to not drown three glasses in self-pity for not figuring out anything. He was incapable of being a downright douche to Erwin, but the polite route wasn’t exactly his strong suit. Beyond his third glass he lost his will to even stop drinking. He’ll give in this one night. Tonight he’ll let go and tomorrow he’ll think about rest of this shit. Tomorrow he’ll stop procrastinating on the shit that needs to be done.

He had a week to sort his things and make a plan.

Armin filled his glass again, looking worriedly at him. Maybe he could tell Levi was fucking stressed about his self-made hell. About the mess that he’d have to face on the upcoming days. Armin probably saw the deep set, dark under eyes and pretty foul mode, even when he had yet to snap at Armin. It hard to do that to the coconut much less when Eren’s soft voice was crooning behind him. He wanted to be mad at the boy for being so damn lovable, but he couldn’t. It was Levi who was dumb enough to carry on this farce with Erwin. It was him who had waited until this long to get out of the situation. Eren was not at fault for Levi’s stupidity. Not in the slightest.

Eren’s song drew to and end with final promises of making love.

Even through the buzz Levi could feel the excitement at the idea of seeing Eren. That made him feel worse, because anything was better than feeling absolutely infatuated with someone else while he was trying to find the words to wreck someone’s heart. The though of being rejected by Eren felt like stake to his chest and he knew he was soon stabbing Erwin with that stake of rejection soon. If he had done it before he fell in love with Eren this deeply maybe he wouldn’t be having such a hard time with this. Maybe he could just break Erwin’s heart like he had broken other people’s heart before: with cold efficiency and ruthlessness. Now he was too emotional to do anything much less figure out how to destroy Erwin’s life.

Eren sat next to him all cheer and exhilaration from his show earlier.

“Brat.” Levi acknowledged him, voice not showing even a hint of his intoxication.

“Old man.” Eren returned still grinning.

The boy had grow used to Levi’s rough exterior and it didn’t phase him much that Levi wasn’t in the mood for talking.

“You seem extra grumpy today.” Eren said then and ask Armin for a glass of water. “Hard day at work?”

“You could say that.”

Eren’s hand snaked on his shoulder and on the back of his neck. The touch was nice and warm and Levi welcomed it. The boy’s soft fingers kneaded into his muscles and he breathed out in relief.

“Your muscles are so tense.” Eren murmured sliding his stool closer so he could be closer to the man.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Levi tried snapping at him, but his came out as a breathy, whispered moan.

Armin glanced at the amused and Eren dared winking at the dickhead. Armin needed a life, honestly. He couldn’t be fueled by Eren’s flirting forever. When Eren’s fingers slid down his spine he shivered.

Damn that fucking tease.

He was sober enough to tell himself that this wasn’t going to end well. He was sober enough to remember his and Petra’s talk from few days ago. He was definitely sober enough to stop himself from sliding his hand up Eren’s tight. He didn’t. His mind was lucid enough to tell him that this was a bad idea. A definitive bad idea. Yet his neat fingernails dug into that flesh under those skin tight jeans just under his hip. Eren’s hand came to rest on his lower back under his suit jacket, fingers playing with the fabric off his shirt and slowly pulling it out of his trousers with every tug. Levi knew he could stop Eren. He didn’t. The hand that was still squeezing the brat’s juicy tigh eased its grip and Levi dragged them subtly over Eren’s lap. He knew where this was going. Weeks of flirting and chatting. Weeks of growing sexual tension. Now they were teasing each other sensually at the bar counter, silently fighting over who can get the other more bothered with their wandering fingers.

Levi _knew_ where this was going and where it would end up, but he didn’t stop.

Eren bit his lip at the motion and Levi didn’t remember a time a simple bite on the lip had made him so turned on. With a final tug Eren’s fingers slipped under his shirt on bare skin and started making infuriating circles on his lower back. He wanted them lower. He breathed out to calm the warmth surging through him. Truly infuriating. Goosebumps rose all over his skin, his heart was beating faster than ever before. He wanted this so badly. Wanted Eren under him, he wanted to ram into him at his apartment to test drive that new bed. He wanted to draw his nails over Eren’s back leaving behind angry lines behind. He wanted to bite into that tan neck and ravage his lips as well. He was usually a patient man. He could wait so he could end things properly with Erwin.

Levi got up, glass of scotch already gone. He set a note from his wallet to the desk to pay for his drinks and left some tip as well. Eren’s hand slipped away and he began walking to the entrance of the bar. Hand at the door he turned back to see Eren looking at him confused, Armin going between them worried. Levi smirked at the brunette brat and his bewildered face, bright eyes wide yet dark with lust and mouth parted a bit. His hand left in air at the older’s sudden disappearance from his seat.

“Are you coming?” Levi asked pulling the door open.

Eren followed him out and soon his hands were back on him.

The raven led Eren to his apartment in hurried steps.

Levi was usually a patient man.

But not today.

“ _-I press against the wall,_

_And although I see it through you,_

_Your the only medicine for my hunger-_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was it?  
> We can see Levi gain a little confidence in his decision to leave Erwin. We also see how my amazing chapter name actually makes sense at the end. Levi how dare you do what you just decided not to do. (눈‸눈)  
> In the next chapter he ends up regretting this exact moment and doing some more stupid things as a result. ( ￣ー￣)  
> I do promise that this has a happy ending... (o･ω･o)  
> Until next time, Moimoisweden __φ(。。)


	3. Looking for Happiness (but finding Suffering)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi wasn't one for running away, but this time is different. He just needs some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! ( ´ ω ` )ノﾞ  
> Moimoisweden here with a new chapter! (´｡• ω •｡`)  
> This one starts of all happy and becomes dark pretty quickly. I love the cute moments in the start thought. I'll keep the start notes short, I'll ramble more in the end.   
> The songs for this chapter are:  
> Laura Närhi - Tämä on Totta  
> Aleksanteri Hakaniemi - Filmi Katkee  
> SHE - Sorit ei riitä  
> Katri Ylander - Onko vielä aikaa?  
> Jannika B - Äänet ja Askeleet  
> Jannika B - Seuraavaan Elämään  
> Happoradio - Puhu Äänellä jonka kuule  
> Elastinen ft Johanna Kurkela - Oota Mua (reformed to fit Eren)  
> And the now updated Spotify List is: https://open.spotify.com/user/tinapeuhkuri/playlist/0oTaq0ZAPIAn09sPqLwcz2  
> This chapter has a lot of songs and though I've made the Spotify List, In my opinion understanding what Eren is singing is much more important than the songs themselves, especially because as I said: Eren would do them in a more indie or Alternative style.  
> Then lastly, please do comment and send me message if you want, I'm always happy to talk! My tumblr is moimoisweden.tumblr.com if you want to chat me up there or just follow how I'm doing with life, updates and writing. ٩(◕‿◕)۶  
> Anyways, happy reading from me, Moimoisweden __φ(．．)

Sun woke him up on that particular Friday morning. 

His body felt relaxed and he was drowsy after having slept so well. As Levi moved his memories came from the night before. Eren was a beast, but it was a nice contrast to the sweet, almost innocent looking brat from the bar. He smirked. Eren was way too perfect. How could he just stumbled upon someone this amazing? 

As he rose from his bed, a telltale smell of breakfast wafted into his room. Only then did he notice that the other side of the bed was cold and empty. Either Eren had run off and someone else had broken into his apartment to cook or Eren just became even better than before. Levi didn’t even know how that was possible. He checked the clock knowing that he needed to head to work, but he saw that he had plenty of time to get himself ready and still be with Eren. He had already taken a shower later that night after Eren and him went through the apartment. They didn’t end up test driving the bed after all, opting to a lot of the other surfaces in the house. 

Levi didn’t remember a time when he had even thought of fucking on the kitchen counter. 

Which they didn’t clean afterwards just because Levi was too tired to do so and wanted to drag Eren into bed to cuddle with him. Still, as he stepped into the kitchen just in his underwear, the kitchen was just as he liked it: sparkling clean and not a single thing out of place. He glance into the living room and that too had been cleaned. In fact his whole house had been purified from the mess they had left in their wake last night. Levi eyes turned slowly to Eren’s muscled back that had been covered with the t-shirt from last night. Soft hair wonderfully tousled and voice humming some song gently. Levi couldn’t stop a smile from crawling on his lips. 

“Great in bed, cleans  _ and  _ cooks. Can you get any better?” he voiced and the brat jumped a little by the stove. 

He turned and that delicious blush was on his cheeks again. His eyes raked over Levi’s form, pupils dilating a bit. Levi leaned to the wall next to him waiting for Eren to answer him. It took a while, though, and when he did, the blush was stronger than ever.

“Ehm… I just thought you’d like to wake up in a clean house and with breakfast, is all.” Eren scratched the back of his head. “Sorry, I borrowed your things a bit.”

“I don’t mind.” Levi stepped closer to sit at the island.

“G-good.” Eren whipped his head to the pancakes he was making. “Hope you like pancakes.”

“Who doesn’t like pancakes?” Levi snorted and watched as Eren worked.

He looked so natural. In fact he looked like he belonged in there. The one thing missing from this apartment. He wished Eren could stay here. He wished the brunette could spend the day with him, but alas his company needed him and Eren had classes no doubt. So instead he watched as the boy moved fluently through the kitchen and eventually set a plate of pancakes in the middle of the island. Eren sat opposite of him after giving both of them plates and cutlery. It was as if he lived here and Levi didn’t mind that at all. If anything he wished Eren was comfortable enough to never leave. 

He took a taste of the food.

“Not bad, brat.” He said after swallowing the first bite. 

It was delicious and what made the food even better was the bright smile Eren flashed at him. Levi knew he was gone. He had probably lost before he even the war started. Eren could win over him with a simple smile and a few pancakes. And cleaning. Levi had always assumed Armin had cleaned the place, but it seemed Eren was the one giving it its sparkling form. He was sure of it now. 

Eren started chatting about his courses for today and asking about Levi’s work as well. The food disappeared too fast for Levi’s liking and the usual time he left for work was quickly approaching. He was always at work just short of eight. That was an hour early, because he usually had more reasons to run away to work than stick around at home. Now, though, he had a lot more reason to skim work for an hour, maybe two. No one would care if he came in late. In fact Petra has been hounding him to just take a breather, to slow down. As Eren got up to do the dishes, Levi joined him. Their touching sides ignited a fire on Levi’s skin.

“Don’t you need to get ready for work? I-I mean when we walked together the other time you went in at eight.”

Levi smiled as he dipped his hands into the hot water and soap.

“Work can wait for a bit today.” he answered and he could see Eren smile widely.

They cleaned the plates in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Eren hand dried them as Levi gave them to him. When they were done Levi moved to the door and Eren was - once again - left looking behind him. The older man glanced at the boy and without words the boy followed him. Levi held out his hand and the younger took it without questions. The man couldn’t describe how right that felt. How complete he felt when Eren was next to him. 

Levi pulled Eren to the shower.

Their lips crashed feverently together, as if they hadn’t gone at it like rabbits just last night. The brunette backed Levi into the back wall of the shower. Levi’s fingers sneaked behind his neck and gripped the brat’s hair. Eren let out a moan into Levi’s mouth. Their tongues were fighting over dominance. As they pulled out for air Eren pulled off his t-shirt and his boxers weren’t that far behind. His hand slid into Levi’s only garment and Levi tipped his head back as the brunette palmed his half hard length. Eren’s lips attached themselves to Levi’s collarbone leaving behind deep purple marks. Levi sunk his nails into Eren’s neck in approval. Suddenly the the brunette was slammed into the wall and Levi sneaked his other hand onto his back side and into the hole without much warning. Eren’s lips released a guttural groan of pleasure and he released Levi’s neck. The dark man chuckled into Eren’s chest.

“You’re nice and stretched still.” Levi whispered into his ear and then finding his way back to Eren’s lips. 

Levi joined another finger and with a bit of movement earned a sweet moan from the younger man. When the man gave Eren a chance to breath he answered eyes only half open. His eyes were filled with lust and his thirst for Levi’s cock. 

“How… many times do… you think we did it last night, huh?”

Levi couldn’t help a smirk forming in his lips.

“Not enough, because you obviously want more.” 

Levi’s hand pulled away and Eren whined in annoyance - he wanted them back where they had been - but the older’s hand soon slid from his hip to under his ass and hoisted him up. More smoothly than ever before the raven trust in and left Eren screaming his name. The brunette was sore and sensitive yet he wanted nothing more than to make Levi push into him harder. They haden’t even had the chance to turn the shower on so now the only sounds that echoed in the bathroom were their moans and the slap of skin on skin. Levi scratched Eren’s back, those red lines joining the ones he made yesterday. He could only picture the sight of the brat’s back, his marks on the tan skin. If he could be more turned on, then that would have done it. He might have hit his limit, though, as his mind was already going hazy from all the stimulation. He hardly even registered how Eren’s fingers pressed on his back hard enough to leave marks, how the brat had lost himself to the pleasure, how his lips ravaged his skin as he let out moan after moan most now becoming out as the Levi’s name. Levi leaned Eren to the wall just a bit harder and one of his hands came to pump Eren’s shaft. His mouth finally came to catch those delectable moans Eren was screaming out.

Eren came between their chests,  voice suddenly lost.

Levi came soon after as Eren tightened. Eren felt relaxed enough to just slide down the wall when the raven pulled out. His strong hand kept him up though. He was gently set on two, a bit shaky legs. He leaned to the dark hair in front of him feeling too good right now to move much less wash himself and go class. Levi’s hands came back to hold him steady. As Eren was coming down from his high he felt the sweat on his skin and the cum dripping down his thighs. Normally, he would have minded going bareback without his consent, but this was Levi. Levi, who he learned to know in these past few months. Levi, who was smart enough to not fuck him without a condom if he thought either had something. 

The brat’s hand kneaded his back. Yesterday Levi had found it sexual in a way that turned him on, right now he found it gentle and caring. Eren wanted to show that he’s ease any discomfort he might have lifting him up like that. Levi found that endearing. With every single thing he learned, he found Eren more perfect. He must have some bad sides, something that Levi can use to bring him back from the angel status that he was slowly ascending on. 

“Can you be a bit more…” Levi mumbled as he was still enjoy the light massage on his back back.

“Can I be what?” 

“More imperfect?” 

Eren laughed at this. 

“I think I’m going to hold back on bestowing my bad sides on you for just a bit longer.”

“So you do have them. That’s a relief.” Levi spoke quietly.

His eyes were blissfully closed and he was basking in Eren’s warmth.

He wanted nothing more than to stay here the whole day. 

In this moment there was no memory of Erwin or the world outside.

It was just him and Eren.

 

* * *

 

 

His basking hadn’t lasted long. 

He had to get to work eventually, so the two of them washed off the smell of sex and headed out. Work ended up being a weird ordeal. People were going crazy over the fact that Levi Ackerman was late about an hour and a half. His boss called him in - and no not to chastise him, but to ask him if he had some fun last night - and made him wholly uncomfortable. He threatened to sue him for sexual harassment, but the bastard laughed and sent him on his merry way. Petra was looking at him curiously and staff was whispering, so not only did he come late he left early. He lounged on his sofa reading up on files he didn’t get to at work. Somewhere in the middle of catching up work - more like getting more ahead than before - he made some easy dinner. 

He thought back on the moment he and Eren parted in front of Legion. 

_ Eren was twiddling with his thumbs again, nervous habit Levi knew well. He was looking at the ground - a 180 from the confident person he was just under a half an hour before - and was obviously trying to find words. Levi waited, his patience back in power, although his lust for the boy had yet to go away. He doubted the idea that it ever would. For now though, until he had properly broken up with Erwin, he’ll hold it on a leash.  Last night he told himself that he’d only give into his feelings that night. He didn’t want to lose his morals completely.  _

_ “I… uhm… I know you said at breakfast that you had something important to do next Friday, but I… ugh…” _

_ “Spit it out, brat.” _

_ “I want you to come to the show.” Eren mumbled. “I mean it won’t be that different… just me singing for a bit longer than usual… and maybe more people.” _

_ “I’ll be there.” _

_ Eren’s head whipped his head up, eyes widening at the instant answer. They were so bright though. He was happy that was something Levi knew. Especially when a wide smile spread onto his lips, white teeth peaking between. It was beautiful. _

_ “Really? You promise?”  _

_ “Yes. I promise, Eren.” Levi said and ruffled his head. _

_ With a last see you tonight, he went to work. _

How Eren even thought Levi would miss his show was questionable. Even today it was clear as day that he would return to the bar just to see the brat. Then again Levi’s feelings didn’t exactly show on his face, so the brunette may not actually know how deeply Levi’s feelings went for him. Levi didn’t know if that was a blessing or a curse. It was a blessing, because now is not really the moment for heartfelt confessions. A curse because if the brat never figured it out himself Levi would have to come out and say it himself. Like many times before he was afraid that he and his words weren’t exactly on good terms. 

Levi catched the clock from the corner of his eyes.

Half eight. Eren would start soon and if he wanted to see the boy doing what he did best - debatable, his cleaning skills and cooking, even his ways around the bed were close competitors - so he got up and grabbed his leather jacket. He had changed into tight black jeans and a snug white t-shirt earlier that day. Tying on his black army boots he stepped into the fresh evening air. The walk was a bit shorter from his place than Erwin’s and he was glad for that as he wasn’t the fan of the cold. He really wasn’t the fan of hot weather either, though. He found his way to the door of Shiganshina and stepped in. 

There was a lot of bustle as was expected.

Eren drew people in. Maybe the only appealing thing this hole in the wall bar really had if you didn’t count the cleanliness. That, though, only works with Levi. Armin was at the counter as per usual. Mikasa - usually moping somewhere in the back - was now serving drinks as well. She threw him a glare as she saw him weaving through the mass of people trying to get drinks. They would soon dissipate as Eren took his place at the stage, find a place somewhere closer to the stage. Levi found his corner seat free once again. It just happened that it was quite hard to get to when the bar was full like this. That’s why people didn’t bother trying to get there. Well, people other than Levi. 

Levi took a seat and let his eyes wander to the stage. 

A blond, long faced man - seemingly on the guitar - was flirting with a freckled kid at the piano. A bald kid was at the drums and a brown haired girl was on the bass. They seemed close. Eren had seemed close with them. He never really talked about his life outside of Armin and Mikasa, but he might have been returning the favor from Levi. He hardly ever spoke about anyone close to him. There were giant landmines everywhere when it came to him. Last five years were spent with Erwin, a fiance he had yet to broke things off with. His only friends were either originally friends of Erwin’s or people from work. Hange might be the only one he could talk about without exposing his secrets and even she was a risk. Farlan and Isabel were an option, but they haven’t started talking again until just recently. But maybe Eren too had things he didn’t want to be open about, not yet anyway. 

To Levi it didn’t seem like there would be any reason for Eren to not talk about his friends. 

The crowd cheered as Eren appeared and he smiled. Even after last night that stupid grin made his heart thump as if it were directed at him. As Levi suspected, the people started to get around the stage waiting for Eren to let out that gorgeous voice of his. Levi leaned to the bar counter looking at the relaxed form of Eren Jäger. He was looking around the ground, greeting some people individually, until he finally addressed the whole crowd. He introduced his band members this time - with complaints - as they had started to harass him about it. 

Now Levi had names to faces. 

Eren smirked as Jean said something Levi could never have hoped to catch. The brat rolled his hips and Connie wolf whistled to him. Eren laughed now. He turned back to the crowd who was cheering again. 

“They told me to give you some fanservice or something.” He chuckled and swayed his hips again.

Truly, when it came to using his sex appeal the brat wasn’t shy at all. He could roll his hips like nobody’s business and could probably do something like tearing his shirt off without much of a blush appearing on his cheeks. Yet the crowd didn’t know how a simple compliment could turn the boy into a mess. Or how a wandering hand on his stomach could make him shiver in anticipation. Levi smirked - an amused one - as Eren did some  _ very  _ provocative moves. If they were back at Levi’s apartment and the brat did something like that just for him, he might just drag him to bed. Now, though, as he knew the brat was just playing around with the poor crowds feelings, he didn’t pay it much mind. 

A scotch was set in front of him. 

Levi met Armin’s eyes just when the music started. The blue eyes were looking at him calculatingly, probably trying to find out out whether or not his friend’s last night’s hookup was any threat to him. Levi schooled his face back into a passive on the moment Armin awkwardly continued. 

“Eren had a good time yesterday.” he said then and Levi lifted a refined a brow.

“That’s good to hear.” he said and reached for the scotch. 

Armin was carefully deciding on his next words as Levi sipped his drink. 

“Mikasa gave him a lecture. A long one.”

“About what?” Levi asked amused. 

“About not getting invested in people who you don’t know anything about.” Armin said those words with heavy connotations. “For example people whose  _ engagement _ rings disappear without an explanation.”

They were telling Eren that Levi could easily hurt him. That he would probably hurt him. Eren seems to go against everything their friends are warning them about. Levi knew he could hurt Eren. If Eren found out Levi was still engaged… He didn’t seem to be a person who forgave these kinds of things, not when Erwin didn’t know anything. Not when Levi knew, too, that what he was doing was wrong. He looked away from Armin, he could not promise the boy that he wouldn’t hurt Eren. He would do everything he could do not to, but he couldn’t promise that it wouldn’t happen. If he was able to hide his engagement from Eren - or more specifically that he was still engaged to Erwin while they had their first time - then all would be alright. One more secret to the long list of things he will always avoid talking about. 

“ _ -I can never make this betrayal disappear, _

_ This is something I can no longer change into dream, _

_ This is true, this is true, this is true, _

_ I can never make myself forget this shame _

_ This is something I can’t change into anything else _

_ This is true- _ ”

Eren had an epic timing with his song about betrayal and two timing. It was like he read Levi’s mind subconsciously and made a fucking song about the hell that was his emotional state. Armin was still looking at him, but his eyes were pinned on Eren’s body and the way it spoke of hurt. How it showed that this song was something he made to get rid of his feelings, at least for a while. The way his voice, though strong and unwavering, was just a bit too rough to be just any song to Eren. The songs were never  _ just songs _ to Eren. Every single one had a story, a moment in time where Eren wrote it to reflect and sort his feelings. 

Levi felt himself gulp.

Eren sung a lot about betrayal, about missing someone. Armin had once said that he wrote these song a long time ago, but was not ready to sing them. Eren hadn’t been ready to move on from his feelings just yet. But there he stood, song echoing in the room. That meant he had been moving on from whatever had happened to him. Armin and Mikasa were watching his back so no one - for example Levi - would be able to force him back to the start. Levi didn’t know what had happened and he wouldn’t jump into conclusions. He didn’t need to draw back from Eren, just because Armin and Mikasa were warning him about not hurting him. 

Eren took two gulps of water before something more upbeat started. Eren grinned at the audience as the song started. He moved a bit more than when he sang his last song. The theme was the same though. Someone betraying Eren. A dagger after dagger into Levi’s chest. Whether or not Eren knew about it - whether or not  _ Erwin  _ knew about it - the thing was that he had already betrayed both of them. He didn’t consider Erwin a love interest, but he did see him as a friend. An important friend that he will now hurt more than he would have before. And Eren… Eren would be hurt double. He had started something before his last relationship had ended. It didn’t matter how loveless the relationship. From Eren’s point of view it was still cheating. Levi had made him a partner in crime. Which would hurt him. 

The whole relationship mess with Erwin would hurt Eren.

“ _ -When I put candles into your bedroom,  _

_ You screwed all the guys in town. _

_ When I was taking you jacket to the cloakroom, _

_ You started pairing up with men.- _ ”

Levi was wondering how he was going to fix this. He should have listened his damn brain yesterday night. He should have slapped his patience for taking a break, make it wake up and tell it to do its damn job before… Before he would hurt the man he had fallen in love. Levi was at lost with what to do. He was a damned fuck up. He could play the part of a lover for five years, but he wasn’t able to avoid hurting the person he really  _did_ come to love. He wondered if he could invent a time machine in few minutes. Or maybe he could just disappear before Eren fell too deep. Before he would end up hurting him worse than just leaving would. He swallowed. It would hurt Levi, but the alternative was making Eren hurt more than him. He didn’t want that. He was done being selfish.

Armin set a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he asked, real worry shining through them.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Levi took the glass of scotch and Armin filled it again. 

Eren was singing his third song, Levi too lost in though to notice it. Everything was messed up. But then again, when had it ever been clean. Levi could clean how much he ever wanted, but he could never fix this. He could never turn back time and stop himself from hurting Erwin and Eren. He couldn’t turn back time and stop himself from ever getting involved with them. He could have survived in the streets, but he was also sure Eren and Erwin could survived the heartbreak. They could, but they could have also been spared from it if Levi had never been there. Had Levi never sat foot in that cafè, then he wouldn’t be here now. He would still be alone, still unable to destroy anything and anyone. He didn’t want to hurt Erwin.

He  _ never _ wanted to make Eren a victim to his stupidity.

“ _ -Even though my feet don’t reach the bottom, _

_ I’m not afraid to let go when you’re not coming here anymore. _

_ Even though I still can’t see to the end, _

_ I’m not afraid to run towards it, when you’re not calling after me. _

_ Hey, Look closely, I’m only here for a little while, _

_ Sorries aren’t enough, they’ve been heard too many times. _

_ Hey, I’ve gotten bruised, but I will get through this, _

_ You look at me, but I don’t see anything to hold on to.- _ ”

Levi was feeling sick. Nauseous how disgusting he was, how he could do this to the person he loved. He could have avoided this. He could have been deservant of Eren. He could have stood beside him proudly. But not now. Not anymore. Eren deserves better than to be hurt by someone he loves. Levi’s fingers dug into his palm, drawing blood. The morning’s belonging and happiness were feeling like a hazy dream, a mirage in the middle of the hell he’s built with his own two hands. If only he could start again. 

Eren’s song drew to an end and it was like watching the sun. If only he could make Eren happy. But he couldn’t. If he stayed with him he’d only hurt him. Levi watched Eren joke with his friends, coloring his world anew, building everything stronger than before. He would only destroy that growth. For tonight, he’d stay here. He’d stay here with Eren for the last time and then he’d go and never come back to him. No matter how much it ripped his heart apart. No matter how the thought made his throat close up and lose air. He could live through any anguish as long as Eren was saved from the pain. He would rather die than let Eren go through unnecessary suffering.

Eren crashed through the happy crowd to Levi, smiling so happily when he knew nothing of what Levi had done.

“Did you like the songs?” Eren sat next to him still grinning.

Levi smiled despite himself, Armin following the exchange quietly as a bystander.

“They were beautiful, Eren.” Levi murmured gently. “You’ll do great next week. Your new song are even better, right?” 

“Of course they are!” Eren said indignantly. 

Levi chuckled, couldn’t stop himself. Eren was someone who could always draw out happiness in him. The best morning of his life happened with Eren just this morning and he couldn’t be more thankful for meeting him. Yet he couldn’t bring the same happiness to Eren. He wouldn’t give the brat nothing but heartbreak. There would be no sweet smiles, no wonderful mornings awaiting them. Levi knew he would leave Eren’s life tonight. This was the last time Eren would see Levi.

But when Eren reached out his hand, Levi still took it.

That night Eren drank. He happily chatted with Armin and Mikasa all the while Levi silently marveled all the emotions crossing his beautiful eyes. He was entranced by the delighted words leaving the lips he had kissed just that morning. His heart thumped in happiness when Eren’s thumb drew over his hand. Next to Eren he had found a place he could have called home. He could have found family here.

But he could not stay. 

After midnight Armin and Mikasa excused themselves to start cleaning the place. Eren had started falling asleep next to Levi. Their hands were still joined. The brat was blissfully starting to snore as his head lay on his free arm. grabbed a small piece of paper and a pen behind the counter. A note, something to tell Eren how sorry he was. How he hated that he messed everything up. How much he will miss him. That he loves him, but he can’t stay. Then he got up, hand slipping from Eren’s grip - although Levi had been the one keeping their hold together, not wanting to let go that warmth until he had to - and slipped the note into his jacket pocket. He leaned over Eren, eyes closing to hide the pain in there and gave a final kiss to the crow of Eren’s head. 

“I love you, Eren.” he whispered.

“Are you leaving?” Armin’s voice startled him and he jumped a bit.

He turned to him and they’re eyes met. Armin looked at him weirdly. There was something that he had figured out, but it wouldn’t matter in few minutes as he would be gone from their lives. He moved away from Eren then not wanting to succumb to the feeling of touching the brat again. 

“Yeah. I have things I need to do tomorrow.”

Armin furrowed his brows. Maybe he knew that Levi was leaving for good. Levi would never know. He nodded slowly, still trying to find something from Levi’s stoic face. The raven glanced at the sleeping brunette again. Guilt and pain swirled inside of Levi. Was he really trying to save Eren from unnecessary pain or was he trying to run away from seeing Eren in pain, he wondered. 

“Are you going to take him home safely?” he asked.

He was making this longer than it had to be. Prolonging this wouldn’t make it easier, Levi knew this. Armin nodded again. Levi breathed out and finally walked to the door. He didn’t turn when he said his small bye. The wind was harsh outside and Levi burrowed tighter into his jacket. It hurt. It hurt worse than being suffocated in Erwin’s apartment. It hurt more than anything ever before. All he wanted was to go back to last night, relive that moment just before they slept when Eren pressed his head into the crook of his neck and hand came around him to bring him close to him. That comfort and happiness he felt at that moment, he needed that at this moment. 

He went to Erwin’s apartment and collected last of his things into boxes. Soon he was out of there heading to his new place. Hos own place. He thought of home when he stepped into his apartment, but Eren’s presence lingered there. Everywhere he looked he remembered something about last night or something about the two months they spent together at the bar. He had to swallow so he wouldn’t cry. He dumped the box unceremoniously into the entrance hall and turned back out. Pulling out his phone he called the one person he knew he could. The one person - well two - who wouldn’t care how much he had fucked up. Who wouldn’t ask and would only give him the comfort he needed.

After a few rings a drowsy voice answered. 

“Farlan, I fucked up.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks of vacation yet he was back at Trost in one. 

He promised Eren something and even though he would not see him, he promised to watch Eren that friday and he would. No matter how it hurt. No matter how painful it was. He didn’t break his promises. He would never break a promise. He had also made sure Erwin made time for him after the gig. He had already come back earlier, but he had gone straight to work, not even going home first. Which was a relief in a way, because he would have immediately noticed how all of Levi’s things were missing. Although they were few, their disappearance would still be noticed by Erwin. Levi didn’t want him to go there before he had told him. He wanted to tell him himself. That’s the least he could do. 

He went through the familiar night streets. Erwin told him he would get out of work at ten, right after Eren would be done. People were going in the bar and Levi followed them. Most paced towards the front, but Levi stopped by the door. He could be seen from the bar if someone where to look, but Eren would probably never turn his face towards the door. Armin and Mikasa would be too busy with this huge mass of people to check the door for incoming people. Levi eyed the stage throat dry and heart thumping painfully. He had wished more than once during this week that he could just rip the damn thing out. That he had something that could stop this pain. He  _ knew _ that there was only  _ one thing _ . 

That one thing stepped out with his band and he looked well. He looked happy. His eyes scanned the crowd and the smile dimmed just a bit, but not enough for most to notice. Levi did though. Yet he could not ask what was wrong. He couldn’t comfort him even if there was something bothering Eren. Eren introduced his friends and Levi smiled at the familiar voice. He had missed it so badly. How could he let Eren get into so deep in his heart like this. Eren took the mic into his hand and Levi watched as his fingers trembled just a bit. He missed the first line as he concentrated on the tremble on the voice. He closed those tealish eyes.

“ _ -I breath grieving and I see your smile as you look at me for the last time. _

_ I would give everything from my heart.- _ ”

Levi felt his heart break. He didn’t look like he was singing from the past anymore. He looked so joyful earlier, but now as his voice trembled gently and finger held the mic tighter than usual, he didn’t seem so happy anymore. 

“- _ Is there still time? _

_ I don’t know where you are, I’ve lost my dreams. _

_ I need you so much, you left me in the depths. _

_ You made my life, and took my everything. _

_ Am I waiting for nothing or is there still time?- _ ”

Levi knew Eren had no clue that he was driving daggers into him. Eren had no idea how this song made Levi feel. How he felt tears threatening to spill, because he knew Eren was singing about him. He was  singing about him and he couldn’t come back. He couldn’t return to him only to hurt him even more. 

“ _ -I protect you diary, dust has blanketed the cover. _

_ The key is missing too and I can’t find it anywhere. _

_ I guard your memories in my mind like an angel, _

_ I drive away evil spirits with tears- _ ”

Levi could see the metaphors. The diary would be his note and the missing key told Levi that he didn’t understand why he had to leave. Why he had to go like this without speaking with him, without telling him anything. The chorus was sung with hope and desperation, unfulfilled wished and the pain following Levi’s departure. Eren was hurting because of Levi. Yet if he came back and explained himself then… Then Eren would be hurting more. 

The first song had broken his heart. Second made his bones ache like an old man, because he had to forcefully stop himself from going to Eren. His instincts were telling to go comfort him, yet there he stood staring at the anguished eyes.

“ _ -Millions of voices and steps hound me, I know one of them is yours, I call you. _

_ Millions of ghosts and departed haunt me, I know you’re somewhere, come to me.- _ ”

Levi wishes he could. Wishes he could walk there and hold him in his arms to stop him from trembling, stop him from crying, because can't miss those small glistening drops on his cheeks. Eren sung that he will stay here to wait for his return. Levi wondered if he would. If in time he would forget about him. Would forget the man he met at the bar. He wouldn’t even have itch of him in a couple of years. These thoughts were crashed by his third song.

“ _ -A piece is missing from my world when you’re not there _

_ I hear you say it again, that I’m your destiny, that we have to wait _

_ When I face the nightly expanse, I see every piece of the starry sky. _

_ I make space for you next to me. _

_ I feel you touch me again, and maybe the time will bend and I will reach for us,  _

_ Into our next lives.- _ ” 

So, Eren was promising to wait him for his whole life and even the next if he had to. Stupid brat promising crazy things when he had no idea about anything. Levi wondered if he should just giving in and stop worrying about the damn brat’s emotional state, because he seems to want run into this head first. He doesn’t want to give up. Maybe he was too deep already. He has been making songs about him, for how long he doesn’t know. Eren… Eren vented his feelings with songs. If there is enough emotions for him to do a damn single out of them, they must run deep.

But Eren still didn’t know what he was getting into. What kind of mess Levi really was. He’s fucking scared of kids for God sake. The week with Farlan and Isabel hadn’t been torture just because he had been feeling increasingly worse as the days went by, but because the two made him baby sit. He was terrified. Not only was the pain unbearable, but he had to try and not fuck up someone's kid too. He just wanted to bawl his eyes out like the damn child. He hated love and he hated kids. Yet if Eren was his partner he could probably do anything. He could probably fight armies by himself if the brat so much as asked. With the brunette nothing felt as scary as it used to, but he wasn’t ready lower his guards and he definitely wasn’t ready to come back to explain Eren that the brat had ended up being his cheating partner. 

“ _ -You’re deep water, an inaccessible mountain. _

_ You’re an abandoned attic, a titanium shell. _

_ Why do you cry when a neighbour’s kid laughs? _

_ Why do you cry when a love songs come from the radio?- _ ”

With every word Eren poured from his heart, Levi felt as if he had missed some grand magic trick about reading minds. The way Eren just answered his every insecurity with every song he sang. It was absolutely bewitching. It eased him. 

“ _ -Speak with a voice I can hear, with words I understand, with poems I comprehend. _

_ You need a translation, an explainer of secrets, an omniscient narrator. _

_ Speak with a voice I can hear- _ ”

He wanted to leave. He didn’t want Eren breaking him down any more. He felt tears on his cheeks, but he couldn’t even lift his hands to wipe them away. He was frozen in place, helplessly forced to feel Eren break down wall by wall between them until Levi didn’t have anymore excuses left. He would have to stand up to his fears. Yes, he was afraid. Afraid of hurting Eren. Afraid of getting himself hurt. More than anything he was afraid of losing things. Fearing the way they could get out of his control. He could control leaving this place - and Eren with it - behind, but if Eren… if he’s too hurt too much and leaves… That’s not something he can stop or control. 

A final siren’s song calls out to him.

“ _ -I’ll show you how you can return, I’ll be like a lighthouse to a ship. _

_ I’m the light in your shadow, when you watch out for the range of rocks. _

_ As soon as you can, navigate towards me. _

_ You’re drifting, didn’t understand the maps, but now the route is carefully chosen. _

_ If you’re afloat, I’m your base; When you depart, I’ll lead you home. _

_ Extremities, but you return to me and lower your anchor.- _ ”

Even after Eren told Levi he had flaws, Levi would still argue that even with his flaws he was perfect. The way he found the right words to dispute every fear and excuse. Eren had his ways and seemed to be stubborn too. He might not be able to tell Levi that he’ll stick by him no matter what, but at least the raven can breath just a bit easier. Eren would wait for him to be ready to come back. That he was certain. It was as Eren answered him by singing the hauntingly beautiful chorus.

“ _ -I’ll wait for you, I won’t let the lights dim even if towns disappear into the night and waves crash into the rocks. _

_ I’ll wait for you, even when I could love anyone who I come across. _

_ So hurry back to me.- _ ”

Levi swallowed. He could wait for him right here, right now. Meet him. Embrace him. If he wasn’t too mad at him, maybe even kiss him. Yet he had something to do still. He had a meeting to end everything where it started so he can start anew. So he can take a step forward from a clean slate. Eren sang his last notes and people started wildly clapping. Levi breathed in and out wiped his tears and watched as Eren bowed with his friends. He was smiling, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was sad and in pain, still.

_ Yet you promised to wait for me. _

Levi watched as Eren disappeared to the back and opened the door. His engagement ring burned him in his pocket. Before he could stand in front of Eren, he needed to end everything with Erwin. He stepped into the cool night air and started towards the cafè where it all started. Where Erwin, seven years ago, took him in and helped him on his feet. Where Erwin five years ago asked him out and a year ago proposed him in front of dozen people. Where he accepted even when he knew he could never go through with it. He couldn’t conform into Erwin’s life plan. He wanted to make his own one. One which involved a person he loved. 

When he arrived, he only had to wait for a small moment before Erwin appeared in front of the small cafè. Levi coughed gently and the man looked up from his hand. He looked as stylish as always in his three piece. He looked a bit different. Just before Levi took his attention, he was looking at his ring in that damn contemplative manner. Erwin greeted him warmly and Levi nodded awkward. 

“Why did we need to meet here to chat? Why can’t we do this at home?” 

Levi took a deep breath. He was here to do what had to be done. There was nothing else he could do. He didn’t want this and Erwin needed someone he could build a family with.

“Because I’m here to break up with you.” Levi spoke steadily. “And I’m returning you fucking house key and ring.”

Levi dug them from his pocket and held them on his open palm. Erwin looked at them like they were aliens. Levi waited patiently. If he could survive a week of torture at Farlan and Isabel's then waiting for Erwin to wrap his head around a five year long relationship ending wouldn’t be that fucking big deal. After few agonizing minutes passed by, Erwin pick the things from his hand and Levi pushed his hand into his pocket. Erwin looks at them and then sighed. 

“So you’re ending it? After five years Levi?” 

“I can’t play this fucking perfect boyfriend part anymore. I was never in love with you and if you had looked at me closely enough you would have noticed it.” Levi exclaimed. 

“I can’t even tell the difference between when you’re angry and when you’re happy. You never showed me  _ any _ emotion. I assumed because you accepted you had feelings back.”

“I said yes because I was afraid of you kicking me out or cutting off our friendship. Then I just didn’t know how to anymore. Now I find myself in the point where I can’t breath Erwin. Not in that apartment of yours and especially not when you are planning my life out for me.”

“Levi, those are your excuses. You could have stopped playing with my feelings years ago! What kind of a man do you think I am? Thinking that I would throw you out to the street just because you didn’t want to date me? Hah!” Erwin gripped his hair frustrated. “You seem to give your friends such a high place, hmm. Well thank you for finally opening your fucking mouth, Levi.”

Erwin turned and stomped off. Levi stared at his retreating back and found something restricting in his throat.

_ Am I crying again? Just because I lost a friend? I’m finally breaking down, aren’t I. _

He pulled out his phone, tapped in the number and pressed call. He waited for an answer and when he finally got one, his wavering voice answered back. His cheeks were definitely moist now.

“Farlan,” his voice broke and he closed his eyes. “Come get me the fuck out of here.”

His friend had never come quicker.

_ "- Next to you I found peace,  _

_ finally I'm hurrying home, _

_ Wait for me -" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was it?   
> I feel like this was one hell of a roller coaster! Levi just goes between staying away and not coming back. For me somehow, this chapter was what I had always planned for the plot and yet I feel bitter. I just didn't want them to get hurt, but here they are both hurting and neither can find their way to each other. Without giving out too many spoilers (I've already written most of the fourth chapter ( ￣ー￣)φ__) Levi won't be gone too long though. As it says in the summary, Levi isn't too good at dealing with feelings and needs some time to sort through them as he has no real way of coping them like Eren does, but luckily Levi has Farlan and Isabel, who will kick him into shape.   
> That you won't see in the next chapter though. Next chapter will be strategically place chapter from Eren's side with how he's coping with everything that is going on and what he thinks about everything. Despite Levi not being part of it much, it's what - who - Eren, who's been in bad relationships before, contemplates about. These first chapters have been quite dialogue, but that one won't be. It's not as heavy as I make it sound, though.  
> Until next chapter, Moimoisweden __φ(。。)


	4. Looking for Love (but ending up with Hardships)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's point of view while Levi is away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! ( ´ ω ` )ノﾞ  
> Moimoisweden here with a new chapter! ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶  
> Whoop, I'm a bit late with this one, because I've been tied up with studying. Sorry about that. (シ_ _)シ That being said, I might either be on time with the next chapter or a month or two late, but I'll get it done before summer.  
> Now onto the things that you're probably interested in: This chapter is in Eren's POV as I said in last chapter's end notes, I think. This chapter is all about Eren's feelings and how he's taking this shit fest. (´ ∀ ` *) There's a bit Armin here and about Eren's last love experiences there, but ultimately it's about his love for Levi. 
> 
> There's some singing in there, unsurpricingly, so here are the song and the spotify list:  
> Mikael Gabriel ft Isac Elliot - Maailman laidalla  
> PMMP - Oo siellä jossain mun  
> Mikael Gabriel - Loistat pimeäs  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/tinapeuhkuri/playlist/0oTaq0ZAPIAn09sPqLwcz2?si=E9O-N0CnQzqYb7O5YhP6ww
> 
> And lastly remember that you can catch me on Tumblr at moimoisweden.tumblr.com and of course in the comments, I read everything I get. (´｡• ω •｡`)
> 
> Without a further a do, happy reading from me, Moimoisweden _φ(。。)

Falling in love with Levi Ackerman wasn’t in his plans.

In fact he had been done with love in general. His last relationship wasn’t that amazing. To be honest it was a total shit fest and only recently - few months ago - he got out of it. Permanently. His friends kept him on his feet, watched his back for him and even sometimes sent any unwanted people away for him. That is what might have happened with Levi, because all he got is a note in his pocket when he woke up with an amazing as fuck hangover.

_Eren, it’s Levi. I need to tell you that I love. I really do, but I also made a fucking huge ass mistake. You don’t deserve what I did and that’s why I want you to find someone better. Someone who won’t hurt you. This a goodbye._

He had stared at the note for a good hour, wondering what Levi could have done. What he thought was that bad that he needed to disappear from Eren’s life. To tell him he deserved better than him. He could tell Mikasa and Armin about this, but he didn’t think Levi often did these kinds of things. He seemed like a guy who either devoted himself or did one night stands that were _obviously_ one night stands. He didn’t bait people. Eren wasn’t the best judge of character, but he was starting to understand people through his failed relationships. He was starting to recognize the types you should never get together with. He had a long list of types you should look out for and Levi fit none of them. That’s why when Armin asked about him two days later, he gave the only answer he could without his ears turning red.

“He isn’t coming for a while.”

Armin frowned as he watched Eren write down song lyrics on the pad he always carried with him. The boy had had a fun night with Levi. He had always had a lot stamina, but somehow Levi got him dead on his feet. Even after sleeping his feet were shaky. He almost didn’t want to get out of bed at all. But alas, he really wanted to make breakfast for Levi and clean the mess they had made to get some time for the two. Surprisingly Levi had even missed work to spend some time with him. That wasn’t really something Levi would do, not how meticulous he seemed.

It had seemed like a great budding relationship.

Now he had a note and shitton of questions plaguing his mind. He had feelings that were left unanswered yet he had feelings that still didn’t let go of Levi. This was different than what he had with Thomas or any other before him. Thomas had been the worst though. He was afraid to let go of Thomas. He had been afraid of what Thomas would have done if he had left him. He had been too embarrassed of the whole mess to even speak of it. He had none of that with Levi. He had no voice in the back of his head telling him to run as fast as he can as there was with all the others.

Levi’s engagement ring did seem a bit weird. He had had it on one night and the next it had been gone. That was what he had dragged out of Armin. Even that hadn’t deterred Eren. The ring was gone right? Then it wouldn’t be problem. Besides, he had seen Levi’s apartment: there was nothing indicating a long relationship that was still continuing. In fact the apartment looked more like it had been just moved into.

_Probably just broke up or something._

Eren’s pen stopped momentarily. Levi had been in a relationship long enough to get engaged. Was it him who broke it off or was it the man? Or maybe… Even if Eren didn’t want to count it as a possibility, Levi could really be just playing around with him. Even if it seemed so unlikely. But he only came at night, mostly. Sometimes he came earlier, but at those times his husband or wife or whatever could be away. Eren didn’t want to think about it, but Levi could be a cheater. The same kind of despicable guy Eren was dating before Thomas. Maybe Levi came to the right mind set after their night together and decided to go back to his fiance. Eren shook his head to disperse that idea. There must be some other reason.

Armin set a glass in front of him and he looked up.

“Are you sure he’s a good guy, Eren?” Armin mumbled. “I know you said none of your red flags have showed up, but-”

“Armin, Levi is a great guy. I’m sure he’ll tell me about the engagement ring and why he’s been so busy.” Eren said and continued to pour lyrics onto the notepad.

He had already made two songs during these 48 hours and he was sure he would have a whole five when Friday rolled around. He hoped Levi would come around too. Levi didn’t seem like a liar. He didn’t seem like someone who would break their promises. Eren wanted to believe that. He would believe that until Levi would break the only promise he had made to Eren.

“But he had come around almost every night since you met and now… now suddenly after you two spent the night together he disappears without so much as a reason? Just that he won’t be coming for a while?” Armin put his hands on his waist and stared down at Eren. “That sound like a red flag to me.”

“He didn’t leave without saying anything.” Eren huffed and got up. “I just don’t relay everything he said to you.”

“And what did he say? That he had important work business? Is there any reason for you to wait for him? Did he ask for it?”

_He told me to do the exact opposite actually, not that I ever listen to orders._

“He told me to tell you to fuck off and stop nosing in our business.” Eren walked to the door. “Thanks for worrying though.”

Eren gave a wave as he stepped out, not wanting to hear anymore of Armin’s protests. He and Mikasa meant well, he knew that, but he wouldn’t give up on Levi until he gave a reason to. Maybe if he found him walking hand in hand with his fiance or if he caught him hitting on some other guy in some bar across town then maybe it was time to give up. Or if he didn’t show up next Friday.

If Levi didn’t show next Friday, he would give up. There was a line he wouldn’t cross and that line told him that waiting for a man who didn’t even keep one promise hasn’t earned a reason to be waited for. For now, though, he would wait for him and write his feelings onto paper as he couldn’t tell the man in question. He wasn’t sure if there would be a time he could tell these feelings to him. He wondered if Levi was even home.

He wasn’t the crazy stalker who would angrily go pounding on the guy’s door when he got something aching to a break up note. He wanted to give Levi space. He wanted Levi to return himself, because if he didn’t then there was no reason for Eren to cling to him. If Levi wasn’t into him enough to work his shit out and return to his side, then he should just remember back to those two months fondly and move on.

Armin didn’t believe in his skills to make good relationship decisions, but he had already drawn a clear line.

The night was cold. A lot colder than the night when Levi had disappeared from his life. That night had been normal. It had seemed normal. There was a itch on his skin though. Something trying to tell him Levi looked different. That he was a bit too quiet to be okay. Eren should have asked, maybe the raven would have given a real answer. Then again the man didn’t seem too into pouring his heart out like Eren was. Levi rather keep all his pain and fear tightly locked inside him. He didn’t want it to see the light of day, much less any people.  

Levi might have told him if he had asked, but it was more likely the man would have either gone around it or downright refused to answer.

The brunette arrived back to his apartment late in the morning. The sun had already started rising a half an hour ago and he would probably have time to catch few hours of sleep. He would sleep more after he returned from university. He put his jacket onto the hangers by the door and toed of his shoes. Mikasa was already back and asleep. There was a late night dinner on the kitchen table. It had cooled, but Eren didn’t bother to put it into the microwave. He sat down and started pushing food into his mouth.

He swallowed thickly when he though about the fact that Levi might not come back.

The older man might really be serious about the goodbye and Eren might never see him again. Then he would really have give up on the man that had woken up a fire inside him. Levi didn’t know it, but Eren had fallen for him harder than for anyone ever before him. There was something about the dark man that made Eren wish to be by his side again and again. He was the first guy that made Eren want to settle down even when he had always wanted to fly off to the world. He made him feel calm and fired up at the same time. Something that Eren didn’t know was even possible. Being with him was like being in heaven and Eren wasn’t sure if he was ready to let it go, no matter what lines he drew.

They’ve talked so much yet it felt like they have only scratched the surface of it all.

They had so much more to learn about each other. Eren wished they had had more time until Levi had gone off. There was a chance that that way the brunette could have tied Levi to himself so well that the man wouldn’t have even thought of leaving him. Now he couldn’t even ask what was wrong. He didn’t think it was a good idea to go to Levi’s place much less his workplace. Levi hadn’t given his number and he hadn’t thought much of it at the moment, because as Armin had said, Levi came almost every night since they had met. Eren didn’t exactly need a phone number to meet up and talk to Levi. They had a date every night and that was all that Eren needed at the moment. He wasn’t ready to have a heavier relationship. Yet he didn’t want to lose Levi completely. Not when Levi had found that new part in him. Not when he seemed to be the only one who could light it up.

Eren set down his fork and pushed the plate away.

He rubbed his face with his hands. The thoughts had gone through his head on repeat and he was pretty sure they wouldn’t stop anytime soon. In fact he was pretty sure they would continue until he had answers. Until Levi was by his side to make him forget they ever existed. He had drawn lines for himself to make sure he wouldn’t follow up old patterns of wishing for something that would never be there. Yet day by day he seemed to be forgetting they were there. It was as if instead of drawing more of them he was erasing the ones that he had already made.

He was a lost cause building himself up for heartbreak.

The only reason he didn’t want to listen to Armin was because he knew that the bartender’s words wouldn’t help. He would still wait for Levi. He would still climb over the walls he made for himself to keep himself from falling for another mirage. It was five in the morning and he sat in his kitchen, half eaten dinner in front of him and he was once again understanding how he was waiting for a broken heart. He knew there was nothing else there, yet he would give his trust to Levi until he proved otherwise. He would fight until there was nothing left to fight for.

Sometimes he wished love was a switch he could just turn off and on as he wished.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren hadn’t seen Levi.

Hadn’t seen him in the crowd and hadn’t seen him at the bar. He had sung five song made just for the man that didn’t even seem to be there. Five song that he hadn’t even shown Mikasa and Armin in fear they would have known who they were for and figured out everything he was trying to hide. Unanswered questions lingered in the air. People usually shouted and cheered, but for today - for some unknown reason - they were all silent. He wondered if he was crying. He tried keeping it all hidden. There had been so many times he had been close to tears yet pain stained his face instead when he had stood on the stage. Today as well. He had stood on the stage words wobbling, unshed tears behind his eyelids. Song after song he started promising things he wasn’t sure _he_ could keep. Promising Levi he would wait. That Eren would be there as long as he returned to him.

He had a line.

A line he wanted to keep, because the longer this went on the harder it would be to get out. It was his last defense between him and the heartbreak he knew was there. Levi hadn’t promised to stay. In fact it seemed more likely that he would break the only promise they had made. But he did believe that. He did. Yet every word he sung was with his heart beating harder for the man he had only know for a short while. The man who was as elusive as frost. Once there and then suddenly gone. Eren wondered if he could understand the man if he were there to speak to him. If he even would give up his defenses to speak to the brunette. There were times Eren had given upon Levi, but for some reason he had gotten up every fucking time and fought on. He made a promise to wait for Levi - even if he wasn’t there to hear it - yet he wasn’t sure if he was going to keep it.

But he knew that even if he moved on he would still carry the love he had for Levi.

If Levi didn’t return to him and he started to date people again, he would never end up falling for another person again. Not like this. Levi would forever be that one who got away. Eren wondered if he would eventually end up dying alone, because he just couldn’t give up on Levi. It’s funny how he lied on his last song. He would never love anyone like he loved Levi. He would love Levi forever even if he would end up dying alone. He would cry out to him without knowing if he was even there listening.

In the end he would still end up sitting down at the bar without seeing the one person he wanted to see the most.

“I didn’t know you changed the song line up?” Armin set a glass of water in front of him as he spoke, his eyes were on the door though. “In fact I have never even heard those songs, Eren.”

“I just felt like it.” Eren spoke voice muffled by his hands as he was dry washing his face, trying to stop those tears that were trying to fall.

“Well… if you were trying to reach Levi, I think you did it just fine.” Armin whispered, voice low so Mikasa didn’t catch it.

Eren’s head whipped up.

“What?”

“He left just a second ago.” Armin smiled knowingly. “You can still catch him if you go quickly.”

Eren was up before the blond could even finish his sentence.

“Thank you, Armin!” he yelled as he ran through the crowd to the door.

Out in the night wind blew harshly and he shivered as he hadn’t had time to take a jacket. He powered his way towards Levi’s apartment wishing that was the way he went. He was about to take a turn but saw Levi’s back and stopped in a halt. He stared at him a long minute just feeling relieved the man had actually come as he had promised. Then just as he came to his senses and was about to call out to him, a tall blond man stopped before the raven and Eren duck behind a wall. He peaked out and listened carefully. Levi spoke as if he was breaking up.

 _Home? I thought Levi lived alone?_  

In the street lights he saw something glimmering in Levi’s open palm. He said he was returning them. A ring and a house key. In that moment Eren understood that Levi was ending it. The wind didn’t carry all the words, but the actions spoke enough. Shouted words and Levi’s pained slump later Eren saw him calling someone. He himself slipped to the ground.

_He cheated his fiance with me? How could he do this to us?_

He was hurting, but still he loved Levi. He had heard enough to understand Levi wasn’t in love with his fiance. He had written to Eren clearly that he loved him, yet told him to choose someone else. Maybe this was his big mistake. Sleeping with Eren while still engaged with this Erwin. Hurting his friend more than needed and inflicting pain to Eren. Maybe he left because he didn’t want that to happen. He didn’t want the younger to go through that again. He didn’t want to be dishonest either.

_Wait… How would he have known about my bad relationships?_

Armin. It must have been Armin. Eren groaned quietly into his hands. Fucking blond who didn’t know how to stop meddling in his business. Levi could have just explained. He would have been angry and sad and maybe even felt betrayed like he was feeling now, but at least they could have started over on a clean slate after he’d broken things off. It looked like he had been planning to do so anyway.

Eren got up and turned to go speak to Levi, but again someone stopped him.

A car stopped by Levi’s side where the man was still crouched. A woman stepped out hurriedly and came next to him, pulling him a bit straighter and enveloping him into a hug. She spoke in hushed words that Eren couldn’t catch. A man stepped out from the driver’s seat and took out a kid from the backseat.

“I’m fine, Isabel.” Levi growled, but his voice was unsteady.

He didn’t look fine. His eyes were red rimmed and the dark circles were worse than ever before. His fingers had curled into a fist and Eren could see blood dripping from the crescents he undoubtedly had pressed into his palms. The man came to his side as well.

“You don’t look fine, Levi.” the man echoed Eren’s thoughts. “I’m thinking he didn’t take it too well.”

“You think?” Levi was about to dry wash his face, but grimaced at the blood on his hands. “I’m not sure if I should be happy that our engagement has ended for good or be crying because I’ve lost my best friend.”

He was still staring at the blood when the woman pressed a handkerchief on the wounds to stop the bleeding. The man lifted the baby on his arms a bit and smiled forlorn.

“On the upside you can finally take a good shot on that guy you love.”

“And tell him what?” Levi huffed a laugh, but it was far from amused. “That I ran away because I’m an idiot who can’t even handle his own problems well enough to not hurt the only guy he loves?”

“If that’s the truth then why not, bro?” Isabel said and smiled a bit as she looked up from his hand.

Levi opened his mouth, but Eren couldn’t see him speak. Instead it seemed like a silence fell upon them. Eventually though, the raven spoke.

“I just need some time. I can’t do this right now.” he said and although Isabel and the other man looked ready to go against that they packed up into the car and drove off.

Eren stared after them. The brunette didn’t know what was going through the older’s head, but he hoped clearing it wouldn’t take too long. He wanted to meet him. He wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to see the smile Levi gave to him when the man thought he wasn’t looking. But maybe it wasn’t the right time. Eren was too emotional as well. He wouldn’t be able to talk to the man calmly, no matter how much his presence calmed him. Maybe some more time apart would do them good.

It didn’t mean Eren didn’t feel hurt though.

Time away from Levi made his heart twinge in the worst way possible. It made his throat constrict and lungs deflate. It hurt as if Levi had just broken up with him, even when he had just told them he needed time to work his thoughts out. The brunette turned back to the bar trying to make himself look normal. He didn’t want to give Armin and especially Mikasa a reason to ask too many questions. He would rather be caught lying than let them have more reasons to tell Levi was bad for him. They wouldn’t understand if he told them he was too far gone to turn back. If Armin asked if he spoke to Levi he could still say no. If he asked if he’d seen him, he could go around it.

He’d do anything in his power to make it easier for Levi to come back.

Because in truth, no matter what he had done to him or his fiance, no matter how long he wanted to take to clear his mind, Eren would wait for him.

He would wait for him until death took him and he could wait no more.

 

* * *

 

 

He moped in bed for two days while pretending to have a bad flu.

As an adult he could tell Mikasa to fuck off when he tried to take him to the doctor’s and he could easily work around Armin’s questions. Boy, did he have a lot of them. As luck has it, Mikasa believed his story of being sick well enough to drive the blond away so he could rest in peace. It was amazing to sleep for days and just calmly catch up on some college stuff. He wondered how much time Levi needed.

He did promise to wait, but being patient and staying still wasn’t exactly his strong suit.

That being said, after the point came when he couldn’t actually keep moping about anymore, he acted as if nothing was wrong. In hindsight nothing was wrong. He was healthy and everything was great. He just…  He missed Levi more than he thought he could after some measly weeks spent together in a bar. They weren’t dates no matter how much they felt like ones. The only thing close to being proper bonding was his morning in Levi’s apartment. That too could be choked up to Levi being nice to a lay. But again, Levi didn’t seem like that kind of a person. If he really was searching for just a one night stand then he would have been clear about it and not spend time on courting him. Levi was a straightforward person, unless there was a damn good reason for it, he didn’t like hiding in the bushes. That’s why Eren didn’t want to believe that Levi would screw with him like his old boyfriends. It didn’t help knowing something, though, because in Eren’s mind actions spoke louder than words. Especially in Eren’s case.

And Levi wasn’t there to show that he didn’t just mean to have a one night stand.

“Eren, you’re drinking too much.” Armin said as the brunette was on his tenth shot glass of whatever Armin had given him.

“Yet you’re still pouring the drinks.” Eren mumbled head on the counter hand opening and closing, signaling Armin to give him on more.

Armin - probably against his better judgement - handed him another glass of whatever was the cheapest on the markets right now.

“What going on Eren? First you act like you’re sick when you’re just moping. While I can understand you don’t want Mikasa asking questions, that was an amazingly stupid way of starting to handle this problem of yours. Then you act like you’re on top of the world for a while even though you’re _still moping_. And that’s even worse way of handling the problem you are having. And now finally you have decided to try and drink it away, which admittedly isn’t the worst you can do while moping, but still pretty terrible in ways of handling your problems. What’s next? Destroying public property and ignoring your problems all together?” Armin ended his spiel with a disappointed glare as Eren just chucks down his shots and taps the table for another.

“What do you mean Armin? Destroying public property is a fucking great way of handling problems.” Eren huffed. “Are you telling me that projecting _isn’t_ healthy?”

Armin furrowed his brows as Eren gave him a deadpan look.

“Shit, I never would have guessed.” Eren’s voice dripped of sarcasm and Armin sighed as he set the whole bottle on the table.

“Just take the bottle and drink until you drop, then, if my concern is such a hassle.” Armin said sounding a bit hurt.

Eren knew he wasn’t being fair. If they were talking about projecting then he was projecting right now. He was angry at Levi for not coming back faster, so he attacked the only person who dared to give him a reason to be mean. Armin was his best friend and he didn’t deserve his bad mood. Maybe he should tell the blond about what was going on. He would disapprove of his feelings and probably disregard all the good Levi had in him to make Eren’s pain right now seem larger. To make it seem like Levi was bad for Eren. And maybe he was, but Eren wouldn’t back down until he had talked to Levi. Until the man had the balls to come explain his actions and tell him what the hell he was thinking.

Eren wasn’t keeping up his hopes though.

If Levi didn’t want to talk then Eren had no way of forcing him. There was also the fact that all Levi needed to give Eren was an apology and three words and the boy would probably drag Levi into the closest private place and ride his dick like a pro. Eren knew that wouldn’t be healthy at least. He knew from his last relationship that Levi needed to say much more than few short sentences to make it worth his time. He needed to show Eren through his actions that this wasn’t just one of his many bad relationships he was so prone to getting into. Armin would give him a slap to the back of his head for even playing with the idea of letting Levi just come back without any explanation. That they would just continue as if Levi didn’t just disappear for weeks.

It was two hours later that Eren was wasted enough to probably remember every stupid thing he did tomorrow yet not give a shit and do stupid things anyway. The worst of the stupid things was the fact that he could word vomit like no other. He could talk all his problems out in the open with no care in the world and that was most likely Armin’s plan. The devious shit knew Eren would spill after he got drunk enough so he made a plan. A plan that worked now and would probably continue to work in the future, because no matter how Eren hated the fact that he couldn’t just keep his mouth shut, he felt always better after talking about his problems. He felt better after making sense of his jumbled thoughts, no matter if Armin was the fucking devil for tricking him into doing it. This time too he spoke as Armin had finally shut for the night and was dragging Eren home.

He was unusually reluctant on doing so though.

“Eren, you do know what always helps you, right?”

“Talking about the mess in my head?” Eren slurred.

“Then why aren’t you talking?”

“Because you’re just as bad as Mikasa if not worse.” Eren said and shivered in the cold wind that brushed past. “You’re just… just a tad bit more pass- pass- pass-”

“Passive aggressive?”

“Yesss. That. Mikasa goes for the kill, but you… you plan and mess with their lives. My exes are far… far more scared of you than any of Kasa’s beatings.”

“And why is it bad? They deserve it anyway.”

“Because he doesn’t. He was an idiot, but he isn’t a douche of the highest level. He’s sometimes mean and sarcastic, but he’s not a bad guy.” Eren closed his eyes as his vision swayed and Armin stopped. “You just have it in your head that I can’t see what an asshole is after all these years.”

“Do I need to remind you of Thomas?”

“Thomas was different. He made me afraid to get out. It wasn’t that I didn’t see how horrible he was.”

“And how is Levi so different?”

“He hasn’t forced me to do anything, that’s one.” Eren opened his eyes and saw Armin’s blue ones stare right back. “He treats me well Armin or well _treated_. He will treat me well.” Eren frowned then, eyes falling to the ground. “He will be great after he comes back.”

“Sounds to me like he’s stringing you along.” Armin grumbled. “He probably returned to his fiance and is never coming back.”

“He can’t return to someone whose heart he crushed.” Eren sighed.

He was feeling drowsy.

“You can’t know that he really broke up. Taking off the wedding ring means nothing.”

“Giving it back to his ex-fiance with the house key and a ‘I don’t love you like that’ tells me that he can’t go back.” Eren’s mumbles could barely be heard. “I don’t know what your eyes need to be convinced that he broke up…”

“Eren, don’t you dare sleep-” Armin tried to jostle him awake, but Eren had already fallen asleep. “God damn it.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The bar was packed that Friday. Eren didn't find it surprising as people often came to see his longer sets. He liked the cheers and applause he got. He liked the praise even when he wasn't in the mood to sing much less perform. He had a job to do though. Armin paid him to play and he got nice tips for it too. This was his livelihood and it wouldn't do him any good to not do it. He gave a cheerful smile to the audience as he grabbed his guitar. He didn't often play these kinds of acoustic sets. He often relied on the bar's own little band that consisted of Marco, Jean, Connie and Sasha. They were a good band, but Eren felt like today he wanted to stand here alone and serenade to the man who wasn't even there. He didn't want to drag his friends through this pathetic performance and bring them down. He'd rather wallow here own his own. He tuned the guitar for a moment before flipping the microphone on and leaning in a bit on his high stool he was sitting on. He kept his body relaxed and a smile on his face, but he was sure it wasn't enough to make him seem as happy as he usually was. He cleared his throat awkwardly, glancing at his friends who crowded the bar. Armin looked worried and he couldn't even describe the way Mikasa loomed as she poured drinks to the people who graciously came to see his show. A shaky breath later he finally spoke. He wasn't quite as used to standing here alone and it was surprisingly nerve racking.

“Hey there! How's everyone?” Eren asked and got cheers and screams back for his efforts. “Good to know! As you can see I'm here all alone with my good ol’ friend Guillermo.”

Eren patted his guitar gently and got a few laughs out of the crowd. He eyed them and found out that most of his fanbase was a older than himself. Not surprising as the bar wasn’t exactly where young people steered towards. Armin liked the sophisticated atmosphere. His finger pressed into the guitar just a bit harder as he continued his spiel.

“I gave the in-house band a free night, because these pieces were made up too suddenly for me to make them sheet music.” Eren quipped. “But since you didn't exactly come here to see me ramble on about why or why nots, I'll just get to the singing. This first one’s called On World’s Edge.”

He drew his hand over the strings and closed his eyes. He could feel the vibrations on every fiber of his body. He could feel the eyes on him as he kept playing his guitar. It had been so long since he’s been on this stage alone. So long since he has been brave enough to be this… _raw_. He would give anything to have Levi here to see him sing to him again. For him to just listen to his call and come back to him from where ever he was. He didn’t want to wait anymore. He had never been patient and all these days apart hurt him more than they should. Never has two months had such an effect on him.

_“-On world’s edge, far away from you,_

_I draw you name onto the sand,_

_You can see from satellites in the sky,_

_I draw you name onto the sand-”_

Eren had been to the beach yesterday. Some time ago - when Levi was still here - he wondered if they could go on a date there. Now he had just sat there alone in the cold. Levi had not been there to warm his freezing body. He had not been there to tell reassurances to Eren. He was not there validating Eren’s feelings and that made Eren afraid. What if he was wrong? What if he was waiting for nothing? What if Levi would never return and he would be here singing his undying love for him? It was scary to sing to the darkness, because there was no guarantee someone would answer. Instead of darkness it could be a void. A void with nothing more than Eren’s feelings and words. He might be here years afterwards and Levi might not ever hear his words. Eren was afraid that he would be stuck onto these feelings for years afterwards, maybe even until his death, and he had no way of getting rid of them. Eren knew himself better than anyone else. Armin might argue that Eren was never aware enough to recognize good men as he always jumped head first, but Eren knew a lost cause. He had been enough bad relationships to know when enough was enough. He could see that these feelings might never amount to anything and he was just too stuck on Levi, yet the embers burned hot inside him and he didn’t know how to throw water on them. Nothing had worked so far and he doubted anything ever would. So all he could do was sing with the hope that Levi would hear him and return. The song drew to an end and he found himself opening his eyes to the cheering crowd.

“Look at that, another love ballad!” Eren said to the mic with a laugh. “Words of love seem to just pour out of me and you all have to listen to that crap. Really why do you come here?”

The crowd laughed and Eren smiled although he didn’t really feel like smiling. Especially when his eyes scanned the people and he could not see the raven there. Eren doubted the man would be among the bigger mass anyway, he seemed to like his solitude. Eren eyed the door and the bar for a while before shaking his head. He better stop this. Him trying to find the man would not go well. What could he even say to him if he did find him? Especially as he was in the middle of his set.

“Seem like despite it all, you lot seem to want more love songs, huh?” Eren hummed to the mic while plucking his guitar a bit and his fans shouted affirmatives. “You’re all just some hopeless romantics, aren’t you. Okay, here we go again, this is Be there somewhere for me.”

Eren wondered if his songs actually carried out his feelings. There could be the chance that Levi hadn’t understood the meaning. He might have not understood that Eren was singing for him last week. Eren had never been too good at getting the words out of his mouth in an easily understandable way, yet he could write these songs so easily. In the end, though, there was a chance these words did not carry the same weighty feeling for the dark haired male. There was a chance he didn’t have any idea that Eren hadn’t taken his advice and forgotten about him.

_“Am I waiting you for nothing?_

_What if what happens to others happen to us?_

_The distance torments and troubles me._

_Who decides who can succeed?_

_Be there somewhere for me.-”_

He had been the one who decided to wait, yet he couldn’t stop blaming Levi. If Levi had never stepped into Shiganshina, then he would have never fallen in love with him. He wouldn’t been waiting here for him to come back. He wouldn’t be suffering because of this distance between them. He wouldn’t be seeing dreams of them in their old days sitting together at a beach hand in hand. He wouldn’t be questioning everything and he definitely wouldn’t be waiting like an idiot. He wouldn’t be singing about these useless emotions either. No matter how much happiness it brought him that his audience seemed to enjoy his show, it didn’t stop the bitterness in is heart from spreading. The thing was that every song he had ever written and sung was about his life. They were his way of getting rid of his baggage, but these feelings with Levi refused to go. They refused to stop burning under his skin. They refused to disappear and they refused to let him forget these wishes for his future with Levi. That made him bitter yet it didn't make him love Levi any less.

Eren found himself staring at Armin as the blond leaned to the counter. Those baby blue eyes weren’t trained on him though. They were staring towards the entrance. Eren wondered why he was looking so shocked. Eren didn’t have time to decipher what Armin was so shocked about, though, because the crowd cheered and started yelling for the next song. Eren turned his eyes to the people and calmed them with a laugh and some strumming of the guitar.

“Next song, You glow in the Dark.” Eren huffed smiling. “Don’t dare mock me about the name.”

The audience laughed as he started his song. He let the feelings draw him into the song. He could so vividly remember the moment he wrote this songs. In the middle of the night in the moonlight at his desk, because he couldn’t bother turning on the lights. All he wanted to do was get his dream out of his head.

_“I wake up at night again,_

_I wake up to steps when there’s no one here,_

_no one who warms me anymore,_

_Memories of you glued to my skin,_

_it’s like I’m possessed.-”_

There had been many nights he’d been awake because of a guy, but that was one of the few that didn’t end in him crying. It just left him feeling hollow, because he knew that that space in the bar would be empty that day too. Next to his seat would be that empty space that he had dubbed as Levi’s, but he was not occupying it anymore. He had everything he could wish for yet he still found himself wishing for one more. He was in the dark, but still looking for Levi. He had yet to find him, but that night he realized that he wouldn’t stop trying.

“ _Do you see me still,_

_Hey, don’t you know,_

_without you I won’t survive life,_

_because you glow in the dark._

_And I will come there still,_

_I will find you there,_

_I don’t even need to shout your name,_

_because you glow in the dark-_ ”

He could feel all those eyes on him as he opened his heart. He was not used to it even when he had done this dozens of times already. He couldn't look at them anymore, so he averted his eyes to the door in hopes that it could calm his want to escape. What he saw there made his words stutter, his breath hitch and his eyes water. The man he had been making songs for was standing right there, eyes glued to him and so full of emotions even when his face was blank. The only reason Eren could sing this song, was because he had practiced enough to go through it on autopilot. His whole being wanted to abandon the song, but he was frozen to the stage, still singing and playing while Levi looked at him. And he looked right back.

“ _-I will find you there,_

_I don’t even need to shout your name,_

_because you glow in the dark._ ”

The moment he rang the last note, he abandoned the guitar and he didn’t even care how it made an ugly sound as it dropped to the stage. The crowd halted their cheers and claps in confusion as he dove down from the stages. They parted as he stumbled through them towards the door. After he had gotten through the most of them his feet almost took off to a run even though there was less than ten meters between him and Levi. He jumped the last meter and Levi almost fell when Eren collided into him. The man was sturdier than his lithe form gave out though, because he stood up strong and hugged Eren back. The brunette’s arms tightened behind Levi’s neck and he leaned down to claim the older man’s lips. Momentarily Levi looked as stunned as Eren felt, but the two of them melted into the kiss and Levi’s arms tightened around him.

There were so many questions in his head, so many words he wanted to say to Levi, yet when he was in his arms like this they all quieted down. All the background noise became static. Levi's hands on him were gentle, loving. His eyes had told him how much the man had missed him, how much he loved him. Ere could care less about the answers as long as the older man kept showing him that his feelings were returned. Eren curled his legs around the man, hands going into his hair. He could smell that familiar clean citrus scent he had come to connect to the man as their lips moved together. All that serious explaining that Levi had to do could wait. He just needed to feel Levi's fingers dig into his back and his cool lips and hot mouth take command of his.

Eren knew very well that they needed to talk, but for now…

For now he just wanted to stay in Levi’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? |･ω･)  
> Second last chapter ended with a nice little kiss. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) Next chapter will be for tying loose ends and telling what Levi has been up to. I was so happy to return Levi home next to Eren. This chapter ended up kinda being a bit heavy for some reason, but I guess this fic hasn't at all been as happy as Path as a Parent. Path as a Parent, despite its own serious moments, was far more gleeful than this one. But yes, I'm happy how this chapter ended as I hope it will satisfy you all until I get myself enough time to write the final one.  
> But please do comment and shit to tell me your opinions, they're appreciated. ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶  
> Until next chapter, Moimoisweden __φ(。。)

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think? |･ω･)  
> This is a good reference with how "angsty" my fanfics can get and what Levi and Erwin's relationship will be written like in this fanfic. This concentrates mostly on Levi's feelings and how he's working through breaking up. Chapter four will be Eren's POV on the whole matter, but talking about that can wait. ☆⌒(ゝ。∂)  
> Finally about the songs: in my mind especially the songs that are more rock style are mellowed quite a bit in Eren's handling as I see him more as an alternative and indie singer. Something like Amber Run, Kodaline, Seafret and maybe even a bit like Chase Atlantic, if you want references. The whole fanfic idea originated from Eren's first song actually. (o´▽`o) In the future I will even use a few finnish raps as in finland we don't tend to rap about hoes and having sex, but about falling love and staying with the one as if you are each other's rocks. The raps I will use really have beautiful lyrics and I can't just pass them up as they fit with what I want Eren to say with them, but I'm sure you can all easily imagine them as indie songs as well as they all had a part for singing as well. (´｡• ω •｡`)  
> Here's the link for the Spotify list if you want (Or can, I know not everyone has it) use it in case you wish to look the songs up or hear what I used for inspiration.  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/tinapeuhkuri/playlist/0oTaq0ZAPIAn09sPqLwcz2?si=H4Z__ZXuS0eX78GLFAjKfg  
> But that's all I wanted to actually say about this, so until next chapter, Moimoisweden __φ(。。)


End file.
